Pristine thoughts flutter discernment
carressing comfort's lazy pace
desiring complex motivation
escape toward another direction?
intellectually stimulating
but whatever does lie at the core?
Slicing fruit gets to it's inner core
involved having dire needs for discernment
resulting in fierce, harsh stimulation
aware of the need for the steady pace
yearning more and more for mass directions
escalating past present motivation
Dancing love in complete motivation
happily salvaging that deepest core
desiring to follow all directions
based upon all of our recent discernment
stepping up into a much swifter pace
now filling relationship with stimulation
Your candor and aura's most stimulating
providing sensational motivation
arresting my now satiated pace
entwined we both are at our heart's core
since we're losing our need for discernment
our love's growing in a new direction
If we just follow now in love's direction
taking our cue from hot fire stimulation
we can experience no better discernment
pure love as our highest of motivations
living/loving both enhancing our core
this keeps us progressing at steady pace
Never marry for the speed of the pace
this will lead one in the wrong direction
let everything grow out from the core
you'll find this advice most stimulating
let it simmer and bring motivation
with an added bonus of discernment
Within your core find your pace
follow discernment; heed directions
let stimulation be your motivation!
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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2lullabyhaven
73
Initial Impact- 7/10
+
Flow and Execution- 24/30
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Originality of Subject- 25/30
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Content- 20/30
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Thank You
Wow, I have a ways to go, smile, it seems
lol
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Thank you for entering the contest, it is an honor having your work here. You get kudos for form, flow and rhyme but the content and the emotional impact were lacking for me and one misspelled word took its toll here, I think. I so admire your skill with this form and that allowed me to suspend some of the other negatives so I could sit and ponder and reflect as one hopes all readers do. All in all a very competent poem. Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 8
2) Originality 9
3) Flow 9
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) 9
5) Imagery 8
6) Grammar 8.5
7) Form 9
8) Spelling 7
9) Emotional Impact 7
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 8.5
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score = 83
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beautiful piece with some good advice...you remind me of Ann Landers...discernment-not a woprd to be taken lightly"what's so funny 'bout peace love and understanding?"-great work here-inspiring
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Thanks, Iggy this is only my second Sestina...and it's still a challengelol
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