The movement's echoing inside
Like in a dark damp tunnel
So more shattering and close
But unseen by the eyes
Distorted by the heart
My footsteps on the other side
Sound senseless and uncertain
Distant lights twinkle in sight
Ghost shades of past and present
Melting down the eyes
The thoughts slowly begin to hide
On unknown sharpen edges
Blank outside and down inside
Hoping for a clinging
Hands wait paralysed
Ingression to words denied
The frozen eyes speak silent
With bare feet and naked eyed
Envisioning the rainbows
Wrapped up in piercing light
Will the light strike or heal
Blind or disolve the fear?
Bright smiles
and sparkling spears
To keep away
or bring in near
Altogether now
A contest entry
- SHOW ME FEAR by Sinnastarr.
450 points, ended October 14, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contradictory by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended November 13, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Feelings by BlackBloodyRose.
300 points, ended December 11, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Changes by Jfd.
600 points, ended December 18, 2007, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forever, Never, Maybe.... by Gone.
410 points, ended February 27, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tunnel Vision by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended April 22, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Solitude by Nicada.
1100 points, ended July 4, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dark verses Light by Anemone-Rose.
500 points, ended January 29, 37 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Poems On Consciousness by maa.
777 points, ended March 24, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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great write ^_^
good luck and thx for enterign -
thank you so much for presenting your beautiful poem in this contest ... the imagery and metaphors used here give your verse a very dramatic ambiance, the emotions are quite intense and the tension builds up slowly until the question arises :
"Will the light strike or heal
Blind or disolve the fear? "
these words almost act like a koan, suspending the mind for a short moment ... just long enough to pass through the gate of consciousness ...
maa
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Speechless,so well done. But best of luck in my contest!
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Nice job relating to the prompts who chose. You have also used some wonderful metaphors in this poem. The emotions speak strongly and clearly all throughout this write. I really enjoyed this. Thanks so much for entering my contest. Blessings, Patty
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Nicely done. Thanks for entering.
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This was an interesting write - captures the feeling of uncertainty in a poignant way. One punctuation problem I picked up on was "movement's" - doesn't need the apostrophe.
Apart from that - good write, nice use of metaphor and lexis. -
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Thank you for your comment!
The apostrophe was meant to shorten "the movement is echoing".
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Very deep, intense feelings expressed here, thank you for entering
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This has a great beauty to it, but I don't understand it. Missing companionship, as the light of another?
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I thought of the light as a symbol for the people around us, who can either enlighten or hurt us. This is about fearing to let them in into your life.
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Odd. The part ...
that Jfd mentioned was my favorite part too:
"My footsteps on the other side
Sound senseless and uncertain
Distant lights twinkle in sight
Ghost shades of past and present
Melting down the eyes"
Great write here. Congrats on your Silver trophy as well.
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this is a very powerful piece....you def. have a way with words....I especially liked "My footsteps on the other side
Sound senseless and uncertain
Distant lights twinkle in sight
Ghost shades of past and present
Melting down the eyes"
beautifully penned!
My only suggestion is in the second to last stanza did you mean "strike" instead of "struck"?
Thank you for entering! -
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Thank you very much for your comment!
I indeed meant to use the word strike, I edited this now.
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very nice.. enjoyed readin this
thank you for sharing your poem and entering my contest -
This is great. I love it.
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that certainly leaves an impression on you! i like it
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I really like the motion within the piece. Thanks for entering.
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A lot of emotions , Very well written though
i like this stanza
Ingression to words denied
The frozen eyes speak silent
With bare feet and naked eyed
Envisioning the rainbows
Wrapped up in piercing light
I wish you the best of luck in the contes -
This was a good write. It read very well. There's a lot of emotion in this piece. I liked the stanza
"The thoughts slowly begin to hide
On unknown sharpen edges
Blank outside and down inside
Hoping for a clinging
Hands wait paralysed"
Well done.
Thank you so much for entering my contest. I wish you the best of luck.
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This emotion continues throughout -
and some of your images are very well done. I felt at times that it lacked a bit of a punch.
But still nicely done -
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Thank your for your comment. I can see what you mean...I could work to add more to it. For now I tried to change a few lines to words with more impact.
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