Would you hate me if I was beautiful?
Would you hate me if I was rich?
Would you love me if I was wonderful?
Would you kiss me on the lips?
I long to hear your voice,
I love to see your brilliant smile.
I long to feel your touch,
I want to be your hearts desire.
Your my footstool to heaven
Your my blessing from hades,
Your the lover that I aspire,
Your the one I can take.
Would you hate me if I was sickly?
Would you love me to the death?
Would you plant a seed of wonder?
Upon my lonesome breast?
I want to hear you sing!
I want to see your eyes 'a glist'in
I long to feel your touch,
It's all I'll ever want.
It's all I'll ever want....
Author notes
My first love-ish poem.......So yeah.....Hope you enjoy! Never done that before....Just came to me.....Oh and it's actually a new poem, I JUST wrote it when I saw your contest!
A contest entry
- Today is that day.... by LadyLeviathan.
450 points, ended October 15, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - heartbreak by live in love.
500 points, ended November 8, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think about it?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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great write!
reminds me of someone -
Just a few harmless grammar pointers for you:
YOUR: a possessive. ("Your mum is amazing.")
YOU'RE: you are. ("You're amazing!")
And so on. Make sure you reread your work before posting, since spellcheck won't pick up on mistakes in usage.
Also, if you use an if-clause ("if I..."), the verb "to be" goes into the subjunctive. I'm not sure you know what that is, but it's a verb tense that's not too common in English. In Spanish, French, and many other languages, it is common, but in English, it's really only used with if-clauses, since the other uses have simply fallen out of favour in speech.
But I digress. When saying "if I [to be] beautiful," the verb becomes subjunctive-- not "was," but "were," leaving you with "if I *were* beautiful."
Pretty good poem! You're awesome for your age!
--Cristina -
Wow! For a pre-teen, that was kinda teen agsnt-ish there! Nevertheless, you did a wonderful, superb job with this poem! God bless you sweetie!
♥Rulonda♥
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Awww, it's ka-waii!!! XD I love this poem. You rock, Gloria!
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Aww it's so... well... loving. Those questions you asked. I could relate. XD well it's the first love poem you wrote? Hm... Well all my poems are either about love, life, or friends so... Neat write!
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I love the innocent feel that this poem has. It reminds me of saying talking about there first love and all of the emotions and feelings that run rampant throughout there being. Along with the questions that we ask ourselves everytime we fall in love. Nicely penned dear poet.
~TXCowgirl -
Line 5 I long to hear you (should be YOUR) voice...
Hey there, I thought this was beautiful. I really enjoyed reading it and look forward to more like it.
Well done a beautiful love poem.
Kat -
beautifully written! thank you for your entry. i see its a prewrite but i trust you wrote it for the contest! but either way prewrites are accepted. thank you again! love is a beautiful thing!
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Haha I have just entered that contest
Anyway for your first go at love this is amazing. It could be your 100th honestly it's awesome - your writes are so mature and...awesome
I really like the semi-rhyme (I think it's called assonance but not sure) - I hate it when people tell me I don't rhyme because my words don't completely match, but they make the same sounds yet different ones which sound cool at the same time! *big intake of breath* sorry rant over!
This is so good that I don't want to win that contest lol, you deserve it much much more!
What can I say, every stanza is wonderful in it's own right - they all jump out and grab you and say magical things and you just make it impossible to choos a favourite!!
What can I say about you eh, you just keep getting better and better!
Keep up the ammmmaaaaazzzing work, and I'll keep reading. Take care and Good Luck! x
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great job! i like this poem, i wrote a poem like it, except it kinda went sad, lol...
yours is quite nice, and good luck in the contest, i'm sure she will enjoy it!
stephanie =]
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