I'm a little confused here
this makes no sense to me
you tell me not to have fear
you tell me to grow up,but how can that be?
grow up,what does that mean?
just a minute ago you said not to grow up so fast
I try to keep my happiness unseen
for i know i will be in trouble if im having a blast.
you don't think i should get to do much
for you had to give your childhood up for me
if i am having fun you tell me I'm a whore and such
did you ever think i just want to be free?
I'm your little mistake you had as a teen
so now i must suffer all of your pain
I try to treat you like you are a queen
but something always happens and i am to blame.
let me grow up on my own
quit telling me different things
maybe then my feeling can be shown
it all depends on what tomarrow brings.
Author notes
this is my little broken home,hope you enjoy it.
http://allpoetry.com/razorsedge
A contest entry
- Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1709 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I like
Teenage pain. Well expressed, your in touch with what you feel. Like your first two lines, good intro. change the spelling of tomorrow. Keep writing, you got the passion
-
"you tell me to grow up,but how can that be?" - there should be a space between the comma and "but".
"grow up,what does that mean?" - there should be a space between the comma and "what".
"for i know i will be in trouble if im having a blast." - "im" would be "i'm" or "I'm".
"it all depends on what tomarrow brings." - "tomarrow" would be "tomorrow".
Other than those things: a nice poem that you have written here.
-
I can relate to this because I remember how my mother 'n I had differing opinions my senior year in high school. I love the way you allowed your emotions to drive you, beautiful job!
-
I can definitely relate to this, and it kind of gives you brownie points...
I admire how you just came right out in this and put it planly, it definitely adds to the effect that I think you were going for.
AKA "raw"
good job..
ContagiousXAccident -
i can understand how you feel here. not exactly, but im in a similar spot(for a male...i take it you are a girl from this write) you versus your mother much like me versus my old man. im 18, and NOW he tries to control me...lol. anyway, ill not rant. GOOD WRITE
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
