My skin went pale and white
Even my favourite food can't get me to eat
There was pain inside out I could feel
Somewhere my heart seemed to skip some beats
While I struggle to breathe easily
It's strange I can't enjoy the walks with my Best Friend
On the television goes another favourite show
How come I'd rather miss it and sleep!
It feels a little chilly while people sweat in the heat
What's wrong with me I don't feel normal
Perhaps this is what feels like to be sick
Now I feel alright and I'm fine
I can't quite forget what it means to be healthy!
It's the greatest wealth;money can never buy
A contest entry
- daily in all the small by NSYancey.
380 points, ended November 1, 2007, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
beautiful
I understand what you mean. It sounds like what happens to one who is clinically depressed. I've understood these words before. I empathize, and I am sorry. And you are right, health is something beyond any value we can touch. Being able to breathe easy is beyond any currency.
I would, however, encourage you to perhaps relook this piece over, not for content at all, but to work over some poetic devices. Perhaps make the linebreaks more striking, make lines run together and away in more interesting ways. More stanzas to reflect the different ideas here would be a nice touch, as opposed to the block of text this currently is.
Only my suggestions though, and only my praise.
Thank you for entering. I enjoyed your piece. Good luck to you.
Nick
Adding your comment:
