I'm motionless;
drained of all passion.
Breathless;
no will to move further.
It's night out
a cold cool breeze
covers an icy blanket
upon my fragile soul.
And you kiss me;
a kiss as poisoness as your love.
Author notes
I wrote this when i was very tired lol so it might now be that good.
A contest entry
- 10 Lines of Freedom by mysticstorm.
550 points, ended October 10, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow
I really like the last line. Very powerful emotion. Congrats on the honorable mention. Thanks for sharing. Take care.
Tali
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I see your point here and if you will allow, I have a couple of suggestions. Change “poisoness” to “poisonous” and say something other than “cold cool” breeze. Like (maybe) bitter cold.
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hmmmm
i really like the sound of this one, its sooo dark lol. great job Shley and keep writing!!!
Yami Romich
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is there more
I have a feeling this has more to it and want to know why you stopped there, it's so goes on in my head I love it.
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Nicely done!
Strong and deep in meaning. Nice flow and lovely closing line. Great imagery and metaphor.
Well done!
Thank you for entering!
Love
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