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A Father's Touch

He punched my head,
He slapped my face,
I'll try to run away,
Fade away without a trace.
For some odd reason,
I always come back.
Despite the empty love,
And smiles that lack.
I know he doesn't mean it,
I know he made a mistake,
But I always crawl back,
It's a risk I'm willing to take.
From behind the door,
I heard the cries.
I shake out the voice,
Telling me they're lies.
My hand touches the latch,
It begins to turn.
I can already hear the smacks,
And feel the whelps that burn.
When I step on the floor,
Something's not right,
No things thrown at my head,
No whispers in the night.
I begin to inch closer,
To the foot of the bed.
Just to see the rifle,
And the bullet in you head.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Oedhel
    October 10, 2007

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    Results...

    Unique- 4/4 It’s original all right..

    Rhythm- 4/4 Flows well.

    Wording- 3/4 some lines are a little award, nothing worth mentioning though..

    EOR- 4/5 Reads well and I follow the storyline ok.

    Final Score-15/16 Great job.


  • Gods-Artgal
    October 9, 2007
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    This is a very good poem.


  • Dee Marie
    October 9, 2007

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    wow!

    i didnt expect the ending! but i loved how you used words to make me feel like i was you.i have been throught this with my father, it just never got this bad. and im glad it didn't


  • Broken Machine
    October 9, 2007
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    Oh wow, that's really good. I wasn't expecting the ending. Great job with the poem.


  • light to a dreamer gold member
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Darn

    Well.... That is a heck of a store line there. I hope this is not your pain but all the same it is a shame. Very Nice Work

    • Mr.BrighsidexX
      October 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Well, yeah. It's emotional. Thanks for the comment, I'm glad someone likes it :]

1 - 6 of 6