there is nothing I miss from you,
just suns that open
into my silence
of a rusted violin,
and thoughts with a stroke
of white
noise
let me explain to you,
your touch is a forest
of love
where poppies grow:
the softest sounds
that pour
into the blood
of an afternoon
I don't miss you,
or your eyes that close mine
on the edge of the moon
with warmth of a siren
inside me;
I don't miss your silence
that speaks of me
and an umbel
of red flowers
I forget to name
when echoing wind and nocturne
A contest entry
- show me silence... by Nicolette.
1200 points, ended October 24, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - silence (invite only) by Nicolette.
1150 points, ended October 26, 2007, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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true depiction of nature. Silence is in the begining and also in the end. Noise fills, but silence is filter, relieves. Silence regains silece, wonderful poem Nmitaji
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Truly a beautiful poem and such a showcase of your immense talent, Namita. Thank you so much and congratulations!
~ Nicolette
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Congrats hun! Seeee, I said this was good eh?
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This is lovely poetry and such wonderful visuals and sounds of silence here - a very creative take on the contest theme. Well done - I liked this - and the structure is great too!
Thank you so much for your entry.
~ Nicolette
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it has that undenialable ache... this is a good one... and i like that you've jumbled up places and things.. where things grow.. i kinda of like when a rose pops and grows up through concrete where it shouldn't really be...
nicely done
G.x - good luck in this contest too and well done -
A very soulful vision of silence. You are wise beyond your years. Great use of metaphor in this inspiring write. Thank for sharing. Good luck with this entry, I think it's a winner, for sure... Ithica
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bravo
A very strangely lovely and beautiful piece with all sorts of unusual images flooding the short lines....it seems scarcely possible that someone of your age could render such a fine poem.... bravo... bravo.... bravo.... -
Evidence of great meditations.
So insightful and evokes images of intense longing and love fully experienced and cherished. Not so straightfroward hence more appealing to the intellectually mature. The pauses actually accentuate the silence. Great! Great!
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nice
wow i really like this write it's really good keep up the write
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lacks a certain consistency, kind of jumps, ould be parts of three poems to me. I do like your choice of words and the flow though. keep on writing
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well...
...you taught me a new word - umbel, which I had to look up, but as to the poem, sorry, not my cup of tea.
Too many inconsistencies :- "warmth" of a siren? Poppies grow in fields, not forests, generally.
Nonsensical to me!
Sorry.
R. -
wow!!!
wow!!! this is a great poem! I just love it and wish I could write like this! you have a lot of talent and I looked at the picture first for a really long time and then I began to search for the words. Even when I didn't see those immediately and then saw them on the left side there was a kind of excited silence I was feeling. The way you expressed those feelings within silence is exquisite and I think this is a marvelous piece of work! Even the colors work too! wow!!!
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reverent
A psalm to your love? the forest image is amazing - could you perhaps seek out a flower that usually blooms in a forest instead? It'd be a little more cohesive. It would be a pity though to forsake the poppy as the representative flower - its shape and attributes must have called to you when you were writing. I feel hushed by the quiet thoughts you've expressed. Beautiful. Beautiful.
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A beautiful visually appealing state of denial. Well done.
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Too free and random for me
There are some good images, but the structure just makes it hard to read, the huge gap between white and noise for instance.
However I am a really bad judge of free verse as I completely fail to get most of it so you are probably better off ignoring my comment. -
this is a poem I could fall into and did. the layout emphasizes silence by using lots of space. I agree that the contradiction of your words emphasizes silence even more.
this is sad, sad, sad but oh so good
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I lost my way
i tried to understand where i could go with it, how i could relate... and nothing, then i tried to understand your feeling, and while i thought i did, still it was vague to me. I'm no one to say a poem is good or bad, i do like the use of words, and the randomness of it, but i believe you could improve by adding a goal. One statement at the beginning or ending of it, that would lead the reader into a main idea would do good i think. also if this is a metaphorical poem, intended to relate things to experiences you lived, you could tie up your comparisons better. I would love to know what inspired you to write it, and what it means to you... and also if you could critic one of mine! -
a very majestic piece, i liked the contradiction, as this in itself gives the whole thing quite the quiet, as the weight of sheer beauty and soft rose with thorns type metaphors creates quite the effect such like to wonder upon the depth life can create when lovers drift upon those endless seas of lost winds...
anyheys nice use of space
w rose flavored ice cream
-JAS
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The greatest accolade I can pay is that the poem reminded me of Nicolette,the metaphor,the moon,the flowers,the usage of the word umbel,the softeness yet the depth,are all facets I appreciate,the inclusion of the musical instrument indicative of the symphony within the silence,quite wonderfully written,Bravo.
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Perfect silence!
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I found a lot of space in this poem with nestled silence.
Words determinate with the simple beauty.
~Sonja~
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Lilting and majestic. Silence indeed is a hollow space
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This is beautiful, your imagery is excellent.
Continue to write amazing things like this! -
"your touch
is a forest
of love
where a poppy grows:
the softest sound
that pours
into
the blood
of afternoon"
Very beautiful lines here! A soft and gentle, quite a sad tone to this...lovely poem
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Beautiful
Well written soft and serene. filled with loss and lushness. Beautiful flow and rythem. Good Job, and good luck in the contest.
*Go with God* my friend,
Valerie
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