the haunting tone of the violin
hung like winter clouds heavy with snow
setting the scene for the sacrifice
of a child, the shadows of her mind come to life
sunshine snatched from the beach while gathering seashells
thoughts of candy, flights of fancy filled her thoughts that day
a heart full of love and infinite wonder
now left to wander, alone, in the darkness of her terror
what kind of evil demon would embrace that dark desire
to snuff out the light of happy times
she hears a kind whisper, a soft kiss against her skin
with it she begins to wonder if this terror is about to end
but that soft whisper was a hardy deceit
the lips that promised a quick release
left behind a bloodstained cheek
the horror now is just beginning
for this lost lamb torn from her field
the paper left on the stoop that dark and dismal winter day
showed a precious face so full of life
but the story it accompanied was nowhere near as bright
after months of endless searching her fate was finally known
the pieces that they did unearth, now gathered in a box
lie beneath a lavender spray with eternal flame aglow
And Somewhere
He Gets
An Itch
He Needs
To Satisfy
Again......
Author notes
sacrifice, child, lost, winter, clouds, whisper, light, spray, violin, shadow(s), itch, eternal, paper, dismal, hardy, infinite, desire, candy, flight(s), satisfy, kiss, embrace, wander, fields (field), love, warmth, sunshine, beach, seashell(s), happy, lavender, heart, darkness, winter, demon, evil
A contest entry
- Delicious Deceits and Luscious Decompositions by w.r.e.n..
550 points, ended September 9, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 35 of 35
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Darling s i have said before lovely peice not much i can say that i haven't already. Best of luck and continue writting.
Yours Eternally
~Winnifred Raven Evangeline Nevermore -
all i can say is that when i finished reading this it sent chills down my body...such horrible things....but you conveyed your story well...great write
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macarbe, not my kind of poetry but well written
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it is a image inspiring poem i mus say. wonderful poem. continue writing it will only get better.
clara snow
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very well done
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Macabrely Wonderful
A beautiful flowing piece darling. I loved how the words flowed to each other and how they seemingly agreed to not rhyme. You found the underlying harmony that is needed to create a truly marvelous write. Your title however left a slight air of mystery. at the end i could understnd how you got that but maybe a title that reflects the poem as a whole. Say 'The Beautiful Betrayal' or 'The Mid-Winter Deciet' or even 'Forgotten Forgiveness'. On the whole it was simply amazing and i can't wait to hear more from you! If i may request that you may become a favorite for me that would be wonderful!
Yours Eternally
~Winnifred Raven Evangeline Nevermore
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disturbing
is this inspired by a true event? i sincerely hope not. but if so you did a masterful job of translating it into lines.
"the pieces that they did unearth, now gathered in a box
lie beneath a lavender spray with eternal flame aglow"
chilling..
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This is so dark and so horrifying. The tone you've set is terrifying, it exposes the cruelty another human being is capable of, but also shows that there is another side to the world that isn't evil. There is innocence.
[the pieces that they did unearth, now gathered in a box
lie beneath a lavender spray with eternal flame aglow]
To me, that eternal flame is memories. No one will ever forget, and it will always burn in their minds.
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This is a very good poem. "sunshine snatched from the beach while gathering seashells
thoughts of candy, flights of fancy filled her thoughts that day
a heart full of love and infinite wonder
now left to wander, alone, in the darkness of her terror" those lines really stuck out to me. Keep up your great work!!!
TwiztidMaggot -
a fantastic poem... wordbank ones kinda seem forced or bits seem out of place at times just so people can squeeze words in but this piece flows beautifully. a great write... keep it up,
hugs,
georgie,
xxx -
Well Done
Heavy Write to say the least. Powerful and gripping. -
really good use of the words from the word bank. So often there are words that do not go together and yet you have made all of these fit into this story very well. Easy to read and understand what you have written here. Interesting use of space as well. Kind of scary, not something you'd want to tell around the campfire at nighttime before bed.
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Wow, this was really creepy but very good! You did an amazing job with this. If it were ever entered in one of my contests it would have won gold for sure =]. It had great imagery, I could see everything being played out. I especially liked how you opened the piece.
Nicely done my dear.
~Vampy~ -
word banks are tough to tackle, but it seems you have completed this challenge with fervor...a scaring enjoyable write
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Should you ever have the need to confess then i would suggest contacting the hollywood writers association for this is truly inspired and inspireing thank you.
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Creeeeeeepy!
But I swear, creepy in a good way. I liked the whole thing fromb eginning to end, it definitely made me wanna turn on every light possible and not sleep the whole damn night (if it were night time when I read this). You did use the word bank to good effect and I thought the line 'sunshine snatched from the beach while gathering seashells' was a good way to metaphorically describe a child being kidnapped in broad daylight. The only part I would say I disliked was 'as the warmth left her cheek
with it went her ear', I just thought the flow from the first line to the next was a bit choppy.
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Very interesting piece, wonderful job composing this based on the word bank provided...quite enjoyed this work. Thanx for sharing.
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You did very well writing this poem from the word bank given. I really respect anyone that can use a wordbank. I am just terrible at it.
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A very well written poam. wonderful imagery and flowed well. You put a lot of thought into this. Three applause for your grat work.
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Excellent write here
This held me the whole way and yes the end was perfect
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very sad poem!!! you did a great job with the poems!!! great, beautiful, sad! you did great!
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Very Moving!
Terribly sad and beautifully written. A reaper in the shadows waiting to steal the sun... -
oh my God... the ending gave me some serious chills...
these were my favorite lines...
'the haunting tone of the violin
hung like winter clouds heavy with snow'
they are simply beautiful and original.
you've captured the haunting story of a kidnapped and murdered child very realistically.
when i first started reading this i wasn't sure where it was headed. when i fully realized the subject it came as a shock. i call that very good writing
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This is a very interesting peice and I really enjoyed reading this. It was really different then the other peices I have read tpday and it was a very nice chamge of pace. You did an excelent job with your word bank there and I really think you created an excent peice here. Thank you so much for your entery! Keep upi the great work and good luck in the contest!
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I honestly wasn't expecting too much from this ... but I was pleasantly surprised. The dark emotions in this piece were so well written and extreme. You did an excellent job of making the reader feel an intense craving for the next line.. to know what was going to happen next. This had beautiful word choice and brilliant imagery. And all around magnificent poem! Well done!
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Holy Cow!
This is just chock full of incredibly powerful imagery. Wonderfully done and I fully enjoyed the dichotomy of the dark versus light. -
you did that BRILLANTLY!!!!!!!!
BRAVO!! BRAVO!!
You wrote this so smart, and flowing, and just ripped
our intestines out of our bodies!
My Gawd poet, you did this wonderfully from the first
stanza to the last!
I would have burst every blood vein in my brain doing
that!!!
great great job!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen
Seattle
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I literally held my breath from beginning to end....than I began to shake and now I need to go make sure my baby daughter is safe in her bed!!! You hit home with this one!!! The imagery was aweful (I mean is was great but sad) and it left a huge imprint on my soul!!!
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This is a most evil that any being can do. You write the story well. I do hope the next time he get his itch, that it is scraped off by a boxcutter.
Smile.
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Wow. I wish I could write this well. This poem was absoulutely amazing. It was hauntingly beautiful yet creepy at the same time. You should write a novel. (I'd buy it!)
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excellent
I tried the word bank thing once..wow..I think word banks suck..but fortunately this poem DOES NOT....what an amazing write..for being so limited by the word bank..wow..anything I suck at and someone else does not..I think is awesome..lol..seriously you have a great write here..RATHER DARK..but I like dark..after all all sunshine is rather boring..lol..hope to read more of your work..sorry for rambling..lol..
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Very wonderful. I loved the imagery, and the hopelessness , haunting feeling, and I am stunned that you created this from a word bank. thank you for sharing, best to you in the contest
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excellent
Immediately with the first two lines I could hear and see the picture you were painting. The violin is without a doubt my favorite instrument simply because of the haunting presence its deep sounds make. I am also a big fan of the darker side of life and poetry and feel that without some darkness true poetry would cease to exist. Well Done. I have another piece on here titled something of my own and I wonder if you would be so kind as to give me your thoughts on it. Thank you.
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This poem is so amazing!
I love it! Really detailed, deep, haunting.... The list goes on and on. It's just so pretty and sad and wow. And stuff. I love it.
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Wonderful
There is a terrific sense of loss and perversion embodied in this poem.The last verse feels so utterly hopeless. Is the poem from direct experience or are you responding to the pain that clutters the media? This was a poem waiting to be written and you wrote it. Very brave, very honest and it works.
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