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That’s Good

New city; business trip
Sunday morning alone in a hotel
Church; that’s good

I sat in the back; good idea
First hymn, I pretend to know it
Lip the words; that’s good

Sermon starts, Pastor Smiles
Speaks about strangers
About love; that’s good

Back door opens
Light beam shines in
Stranger enters; that’s good

Stranger in old clothes; no seats left
Nasty stares from congregation
That’s bad

Stranger walks up front
Sits on floor before pastor
Attentively listens; that’s good

Usher walks up front
Congregation smiles
Stern look; that’s bad

Sits down on floor
next to stranger
listens with him; that’s good

Ladies in blue hair
All get sick; that’s good
I never expected this

 

 

 

 

Author notes

prompt: "I never expected this"

In a list

Comments:

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Dalaney gold member
    October 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    charming, sweetie, and 'that's good'.... Love, Lane


  • Cup-a-Joe
    October 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is Good


  • HaleyMary
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is fantastic. I love the imagery and the flow of this piece. This piece made me think of life and how acceptance in life can be important. if people aren't accepted into the world, it would make it very hard to live a life in happiness. I think most people, if they felt unaccepted, might live a life miserably. Good luck in the contest.


  • jo-el
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    love the way you layed this story out! love the fluctuating refrain. that's good.. certainly reflects the status of this write. so very pleased. see...you're good at free verse too. after seein that quote on your page i figured you just didn't like it much. anyways the efforts i've seen so far though few they are, tend to impress. cool


  • Desire gold member
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My Word!!

    Love this verse You have penned
    I had to chuckle throughout especially
    when You said...that's bad

    Stranger in old clothes; no seats left
    Nasty stares from congregation
    That’s bad

    this one...Yeah...
    Magnificent free verse

    Many blessings to You in the contest
    Best wishes too
    and much love~ Desire~*~


  • capricornpoet
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    whimsical satire

    I smiled all the way through this marvelous poem of
    introspect...original weave ..with satire pique..
    made me smile about churches and blue haired ladies..


  • micol
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Effective free verse is as difficult to write as effective form poetry; perhaps more so, since forms provide structure and shape. In free verse, the poet has to create both anew, while avoiding the supports offered by meter and rhyme and at the same time creating rhythms to replace them. Too often, attempts at free verse just end up sounding like prose cut into funny lines.

    Your triplets follow the rules of your poem, providing all of the pleasure and enjoyment of well-crafted meter and rhyme without becoming either. The repetitions, the lack of punctuation, the recurring fragments pared down to their core images--all serve the theme and content of the poem perfectly.

    Well done throughout.


    • Amera gold member
      October 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks so much Michael, I was wondering if you would have a chance to read this as I write few free verse poems. Thanks for the comment on this one; it's totally different in style than the the poem I wrote just before this one. I have yet to develope my own style in the free verse form.


  • Poetic-Theorem gold member
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lovely "Free Write." This is a simple form that I find very difficult to do. However, you piece is very beautiful and flows very well. I love the points you made that are either good or bad...very creative and makes this write very strong1

    " Stranger in old clothes; no seats left
    Nasty stares from congregation
    That’s bad...
    Usher walks up front
    Congregation smiles
    Stern look; that’s bad"

    Very sad because in the eyes of God we are all equal. however, you painted a picture that speaks the sad reality about our society

    I love the surprise ending
    "Ladies in blue hair
    All get sick; that’s good
    I never expected this"

    Perfect for the promptat the end!
    I wish you the best of luck in the contest!
    Much love

    David


  • StarEyes
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This brought a smile to my face this morning! What a great read! You are soooooo talented!

    Usher walks up front
    Congregation smiles
    Stern look; that’s bad

    Sits down on floor
    next to stranger
    listens with him; that’s good

    Never have I seen that happen.....But I sure could see it as I read it!

    Best of luck in this contest!!!!

    and much love

    Nyetta


  • captain howdy
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    "I sat in the back; good idea
    First hymn, I pretend to know it
    Lip the words; that’s good"


    I think it is silly when people go to church to worship and then are all secretly judging people on appearances. I think you captured the way a lot of people can be...even if they don't mean to.


  • PerVirtuous
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I learned to expect the unexpected, like this poem. It has rhythm... style... repeats a theme both in image and words... flows well... I can dance to it Dick, I give it an eighty-five. (American Bandstand reference) Very enthusiastic three bunnies for this.


  • Pisces Pieces
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    What a story! The title got my attention first but then as I read I couldn't wait to see what happened next...the imagery is fantastic! The whole thing is fantastic, I love the way you told it, as if someone's thoughts

    ♥


  • RedAquarius
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This reminds me of something yet I cannot recall what it is! A unique take on the prompt, as only you can do! Original and creative, very enjoyable!


  • blueyez
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    wowwwwwwww a free verse! I loved it so much!!! This is amazing not good
    Peace and Love


  • poeticweaver gold member
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This Is Good!

    You amaze me as you weave messages within your wonderful works, and so many different forms as well. That's Good! Much love and light teach, peace..

    -Timothy aka poeticweaver~

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