I think we connected today, for a minute. Between the barbed wire jabs and the sarcastic suppositions, I glimpsed a peice of the past and the world looked a little brighter. You smiled and I smiled and all the darkness sinking in me as stones... lifted.
There was a time when I thought that you and me were two halves of an apple.
That you would rescue me from this world of chaos and depression, and of course
from myself, which was silly to suppose. But we all have dreams.
I still see you there. I see the man I proudly wed through the
lonliness and the skumy water that gathers here around our hips. Mixed up greatful tears roll down my cheeks cuz I still see you.
And to be with you on the same side of this battle field, I will bear this friendly fire,just as do you for me.
Please, just hold my hand when the air goes dry
Author notes
I am really new at prose. Did I do it right? What needs changing?
A contest entry
- Contest: and When the End Came by Diseased Mind.
600 points, ended October 29, 2007, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Now this is Touching, it is rare that I ever get to read the good things about relationships on here, I like this one the best of all Prose.
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wow
fantastic, fantasic!!!! think I like it??? You are extremely talented not that you don't know it but I must say it cause this poem is great! keep writing!!!
Carly Pop
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There is always hope. I really enjoyed this because it's much like what I have said to people who need motivation.
Nicely done... good luck in the contest.
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My goodness you always sneak up on me with the quality of your work. You sell dreams. Beautiful ---- Thank you.
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I liked the difference between the bulk of the poem and the last line which was far more poetic than the rest of it. It brought the point out really well. Great work!
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I loved this. Such a well stated piece. You have captured the moments in relationships when all seems dark and dreary and the struggles blockades until one reaches out and takes your hands and the barriers begin to fall. Well done and best of luck to you in the contest.
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hm. i like this quite a bit. the comma in the last stanza is more poetic than prose based, so i would lose it. other than that, nice work.
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