I speak within an envious monologue
Conflicting voices with adoring thoughts
Impulsive sensation left within a fog
Internal jealousy this soul has fought
Prosperous messages shared through whispers
Softly on the nape of her spine
Ravenous desires hidden silently of her
Lips I revere of lush succulent wine
Yet my lustful insecurities leave me famished
Licentious needs I have embraced
Denial of your presence has caused damage
Of a reality of trepidation I’ve faced
While my malnourished heart sits lonely
My delicacy stands so near
Pleading with this hunger if only
You would feed this passion that’s here
Author notes
I was participating in an online forum for Darfur and starvation. Food insecurity came up in the conversation and I was so fascinated by it that i had to get more details. Knowing how desire for someone can be denied or taken away from some one. i replaced food with the most desireable entity on earth. {women}
This grew from my thoughts.
Millions of people worldwide suffer from hunger and undernutrition. A major factor contributing to this international problem is food insecurity. This condition exists when people lack sustainable physical or economic access to enough safe, nutritious, and socially acceptable food for a healthy and productive life. Food insecurity may be chronic, seasonal, or temporary, and it may occur at the household, regional, or national level.
A contest entry
- Pre-writes for Sad Writes by Naridill.
300 points, ended December 30, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Well penned, brother.
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A very sensual write that immersed from the subject at hand. Love being related to starving and it was written very eloquently. I saw one line that I would change if it were mine.
"Lips I reverie of lush succulent wine"
My thoughts on this would be:
"Reverie of lips lush succulent wine"
That is only a suggestion and I want to say thank you for sharing this beauty with me. A strong message in which the metaphor is equally important as the actual subject that brought on the thoughts related to us through you. Keep writing poet.
seamaiden ♥
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I would love to change it. My problem is, I have to understand how it makes sense in my mind. It is beautiful the way you changed it. But I want to be able to know that I can write it as you did. The "Lush succulent wine" is so good. Thank you for your review and I will honestly try to work it in my mind.
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woww.I am spleechless and that was amazing and you are a fantabulous writerr.amazing job and keep on keeping on!!
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Thank U so much!!!
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This is an excellent piece, and you portrayed everything so perfectly, well done! I hope to be reading more of your writes soon, and keep up the good work!
All the best,
~Stephi-Dawne~
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Thank you so much. Sensual is best and playing with similes makes it interesting. I will return the favor as well. ~ Mykeee
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This is an amazing piece, i love it and can really relate to and understand the topic.
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Thank U - I really came out to me and it was something I was proud of. Thanks for relating and the understanding. ~ Mykeee
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Now this was different and very creative. Interesting write to say the least. Powerful, moving, and heartfelt.
Keep penning!
~The Inc." -
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Thank u.
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Very sad. Your thoughts are strong and gripping. Nicely penned indeed.
Thanks for entering.
Much luck
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Thanks so much.
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This touched me deeply, I grew up in a house starved of love, affection and if I wasn't good food, I know what it feels like for what you desire to be there but denied.
I know what it is like to go to bed hungry, but I was never starving, not to know where or when your next meal will be is horrendous. I do what I can to help by selling my cards for charity, sometimes it doesn't seem enough and I wish I could do more, I hate to see people suffering.
To be starve of any be it affection or food has a lasting effect on lives.
Very thought provoking
~sugar~
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Its hard, I related a lot to my upbringing, exposure and living. Starving for affection can effect you physically as well. Thanks for understanding. ~ Luv ~ Michael
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To starve from affection is one thing but to go without food, whether it be metaphorical or literal, is something far different. I cannot imagine the hunger of those who have no nutritional sustenance! I have truly never been hungry, although I find myself saying that I am hungry, everyday. I have never felt unloved, except those times I failed to love myself. Your poem provokes much thought. Your author's notes make me seep into a melancholy mood. I so wish there was some way for me to feed the starving. An excellent metaphor is used here to make the reader contemplate hunger.
Oh...thanks for the compliment on "women".
Much Love & Many Blessings ♥ † ♥
Renee
The Happiest New Year To You & Yours
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You're welcome and thank you. Thanks for seeing deeper than the obvious. When I was Somalia it came to me that even in despair. They had a happiness the children were only asking for their land and people back. no food readily, no sturdy shelter. It was just the pride and respect for their history they cared most for. I cried because I whined and complained about the heat and being there and they just wanted peace. Thats why I joined in with the Darfur issue. I sent care packages so they would have shelter and tools to cook and hunt. I know i should do more but I have to have balance in this life. We have people starving here. They are just hidden from public view. I'm ranting sorry but You caught the thoughts within the thoughts. And all the beauty in the world is created by women. So I always acknowledge that. Thank U
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Excellent
That would be a sad and ainful death to die from starvation of companionship, people often take simple things of life forgranted but when it hits home, it is another story all together, excellent write, thank you for sharing and keep them coming.
raingoddess
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I got this from U when we were talking and then I went to my forum and put both of them together. Girl U know how U inspire me.
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Ok it is hard for me to highlight a favorite part. This was a killer! I have truely missed out on some really great talent! Yeah I'll be back soon! LOL!
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Reflections of The Pure Romantic
Ahhh! my son you have done yet another one of your most dynamic writes. The symbolic use of women in place of food is a masterpiece in its self. You have always been amazing, my son..........Mom
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Thanks mom - this was new, new and i'm still trying to move towards a more activist role in my life. Now I want to see if I can move towards mixture of sensuality and activism. I want to see if it can communicate my feelings. what do U think mom?
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"I speak within an envious monologue" I absolutly adore that line "Yet my lustful insecurities leave me famished" and this one the amazing words leave scenareos in my head playing over and over like a movie I think this is an excellent writ
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Thank U so much. I was inspired in so many ways and the words were so ready to come out. Strong to light hearted to lovingly surrender. Thanks for reading. Mykeeee
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wow. Lots of big words in a very small space.
Great job on this one. Beautifully written and masterfully put together... Wow.
Great job!
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LOL!!! yeah, some times I get carried away but my pen says slow down. Thank U
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This is great. It left me in owe. My favortie part of this peice had to be
"Yet my lustful insecurities leave me famished
Licentious needs I have embraced
Denial of your presence has caused damage
Of a reality of trepidation I’ve faced"
Just seemed like it had more meaning then the rest. Not saying that it dosn't have any meaning. Because it does adn i can see that. This is a wonderfl grite and like comment below me said, I would like to hear you speck on this aswell.
<3
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U are right. Its a combination of the conversation and desire for a women. This spoke to my desire for someone that has denied me.
So I mixed the emotions with global famine. Thank U so much for your attention to detail. Yes I love the open forum to speak on something I enjoy. Cheers~ Mykeeee
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Deep info once again Bro
wow, you are a wonderful speaker. How do you keep all this in?
I would forget something...I would love to hear you speak of this topic. Very educational.
Cherry
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