Tick- tock, tick- tock, The day doth fade.
Click lock, take stock, Thy soul decayed.
Twilight, my night, The dark descends.
Take flight, make right, The cold ascends.
Thump, thump, thump, thump, Mine heart doth speak.
Hard lump, cold stump, My pain doth peak.
Like gas, no mass, It creeps and shrouds.
To pass through glass, And sightless clouds.
I fight the night, as shadows bleed.
My night, my plight, My demons feed.
My mind, unkind, My voices rage.
My bind to find, A wordless page.
They call, I scrawl, My fingers bleed.
I fall, I crawl, An end, I plead.
My brain in pain, Bring forth the dawn.
insane, restrain, Embrace the morn.
Author notes
This poem is on my Gothic Tales CD, to hear it, go to http://www.archive.org/details/Sleepless_482
In a list
A contest entry
- Insomnia by LaylaLace.
1000 points, ended September 3, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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a good piece - ah time and pain, its refrain is a lash of seconds; stretched to draw out agony's tears and blood.
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wow
God i wish i could rhyme like that. I am more of a freeverse kinda girl. But the 3rd stanza 'I fight the night, as shadows bleed.
My night, my plight, My demons feed.
My mind, unkind, My voices rage.
My bind to find, A wordless page.'
I am just... i cant find the right words. Awestruck, Amazed, lost in the meaning and the pain. When i read that... in my mind i see, a man fighting inner turmoil. a man fighting his own demons... not just himself, he wants to be free, but more then one chain binds him. I can relate.. on more levels then one. an absolute wonderful read. - T
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the last stanza of this is impeccable; and so strong - it's a real killer of an ending.
"They call, I scrawl, My fingers bleed.
I fall, I crawl, An end, I plead.
My brain in pain, Bring forth the dawn.
insane, restrain, Embrace the morn."
Loved it, just loved it; you've an amazing rhyming scheme going on here also!
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Well unless you've edited this I see no problem with the rhyme scheme...and wowzers! What a scheme...it would make me dizzy to attempt something like this
An excellent piece hun...good luck in your contest
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Thank you, sanity prevails... lol!
The only edit I've made was from Pastel (see bottom of page).
I had people trying to tell me 'Morn' & 'dawn' don't rhyme. Kinda left me thinking 'What?????????????'
At first I thought it might be an american pronounciation thing but then realised they were people I was in competition with in a contest, then thought well that answers that then. lol!
Thank you for your kind words... -
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Your welcome hun, hehe nothing wrong with the rhyme at all!
I should know...well I try 
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Great use of rhyme throughout this piece.
Good luck in the contest! -
This is a lovely poem with a very interesting rhyme scheme, but unfortunately, it does not fit the contest "Quoth the Raven." Thanks for entering anyway--it was an excellent piece to read!
~Bitter Irony -
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no probs, someone told me it reminded them of 'quoth the raven' so i thought i'd give it a go.
thank you for your kind words,
cheers,
fritz....................
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I love the way it flows, however I feel that the subject matter is a bit cliche. I think that if you used the same rhyme scheme you have, and put it to a different subject matter, it would be amazing.
Thanks for entering my contest. -
Mostly very well written, the internal rhyme is good and it flows along rather nicely, then (in my opinion) you blow it on the last non rhyming line...Bless you...Scott
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"insane, restrain, Embrace the morn." - "morn" doesn't rhyme with "dawn", in any way.
From how this starts out, I thought it'd be longer to keep with the overall cadence. It builds up in speed, starts off about medium in the beginning then speeds up towards the end yet right when it speeds up, it's the end, and it cuts off too soon. I think more could be added before the end, and the last line should rhyme with the one before it, unless there's indication before then of a break in form, which you do not have.
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Outstanding, it puts me in mind
of "The Raven" which happens to be one
of my favorite poems by Poe..
This is really remarkable, I love it
and would love to add it to
my favorites list on my page
with your permission of course..
One small thing 'duth'..did you mean doth
or doeth?
Impressive work!!
Bravo!!
~Pastel
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thank you very much, i hoped you might like it.
you are more than welcome to add it to your favorites list.
i think i meant doth & will ammend it soon.
cheers,
fritz..............
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