Memories come and go
So much I need to know
Where did my love go?
Into the grave below
Deep beneath the soil
Ending of human toil
Lost with out you now
Loneliness makes me cry
Why did you have to die?
I look up to the sky
I call out in my pain
My love come back again
But my cry is in vain
You are no more
Heaven has closed the door
And I weep for you once more
In a list
A contest entry
- Blank Cheque by sca.
777 points, ended November 1, 2007, 48 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - best everything by sociaL IntollErance.
300 points, ended November 5, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - whatever II by leander.
575 points, ended November 16, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I feel you will never return to me by googe.
600 points, ended January 8, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
There is definately a lot of feelings and emotions streaming throught the words here, and you managed to express yuor thoughts very well...
Some little remarks though:
-As English isn't my maternal language, the lack of punctuation can make it quite difficult for me to find the natural pauses within a line. Not that it was necessairy for this poem, but maybe you can think about this for your future ones
-Capitalization isn't necessairy for every other line. Off course there's this thing called poetic freedom, but that's just my opinion huh
Also, the rhyme is pretty well done, however, last stanza lost the rhymescheme you intended, and second stanza doesn't actually really rhyme either
Flow of this poem is great though
Thank you for entering this contest,
Leander -
im crying so it must be good
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