I should really be more concerned
with the pill that's touching down to the bottom
of my stomach, instead of my happiness
where I don't know exactly what to do amidst
the eye of some dreaming hurricane
And she sleeps to stop the weeping
and he watches her sob relentlessly
without sobbing out himself, and saying
please stop hurting me
The moon looks weak tonight
the craters look more like tears than some
planetismal hole that a brigading god placed
so he could punish her first, before fully executing
his wishes.
Furthermore, I remember
how her cheeks felt before the mascara stained them
with rustic greys and light-hearted teals
Her belligerence is far from
the shameful type, but instead sounds
by a silence seething and a breath
wishing to release
"I miss myself."
Author notes
I have no clue. This was a straight write right outta left field.
A contest entry
- Wherever you are stop and write! by alexandrathegreat.
1800 points, ended October 24, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Inspired and pleasing
Your muse was with you. I quite enjoyed this write with its stuttered but graceful cadence. There is beautiful and original imagery in this piece that sticks to the brain. Life is not all satin and cool breezes. There are cracks in the facade.
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This was abstract but you kept with the rythym which I like. The wording is beautiful. I would have prefered a description of the scene you are describing so I can put your words right in my mind. This was a great poem though, with a little tweaking it could be better still.
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I quite like it. It feels a bit mad/insane/frenzied - which I can so totally relate to. I have those moments frequently. It also feels a bit forlorn and sad - which also is how I feel frequently. I especially liked the very first stanza. Good stuff.
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