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j- walk

i walk briskly
through the humid night
nearly two am on the side of town
that money- people
never go

there, the bars are
open

they are staring at us
waving words

but we don't turn
and i don't meet their
gaze

[my eyes are shut
they have been]

my ears are pressed

we enter the seven- eleven
at two am, where the worker is stoned
and continues to ask me
if i am mormon
if i have
a car

and if we have
a far, long ride
to go

tonight

and somehow
she's more sober than i
am

and you
have been

though we were working
professionaly til one
am

[don't ask
how that can be]

we are young
and this walk
ain't over

yet

 

 

 

 

 

 

so come near to me

stand outside of time

i found the light 

  

Author notes

true story. to an extent.

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Saurah Lavia
    May 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • sistabigbones
    January 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you display your poems, the line breaks are perfect. I like this a lot.


  • SpinCycle
    November 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is remarkable

    the voice is constant (and one that i can connect with) some excellent turns of phrase as well

    that last lonely bit is just absolutely lovely

    sorry to gush i sometimes get excited when i discover a piece that affects me like this


  • flight
    October 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I also agree with lee-sharp about the time thing.
    But over all this was awesome, my favorite
    kind of poems to write are real story ones.
    They feel the
    most honest when you're done
    (at least that's
    what I think).

    My favorite part:::
    they are staring at us
    waving words
    (beautiful!)
    peace to all ~flight


  • vitamin.M
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is good...same thing you seemed to like so much about mine, is right here in your own

    the true story to literary masterpiece


    i love hanging out on the other side of the tracks. i party with the Russians sometimes, in the bad part of town, and they all get together and drive me home so none of the locals give me any trouble

    great write

    love
    Vitamin


  • brevity
    October 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    yum.

    justin, are you a secret mormon?

    • marrow
      October 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      rofl. i'd suck as a mormon. and WHEN ARE WE HANGING OUT?

  • Phineas Red
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    awesome. awesome. awesome. I want to go on a two AM adventure with you.


  • FindingFaith
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply


  • RachelSchuyler
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i REALLY likes this one.

    for serious. you did a wonderful job with imagery. thats definitely your strong point. my favorite lines would have to be the last 3


  • natari
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    loved the [waving words] part.this resonated because it's hot as hell here right now.great work but i wouldn't expect less.
    H


  • poetryality silver member
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Years have waned since I walked on streets where U dare not go today. LOL But believe that I have been there. Never once when I went there were my intentions to come home sober. I feel this poem, love the feel as a matter of fact. Real, raw, and unbridled thoughts paint a picture of the night. I love the title because it almost makes me think you are walking illegally! LOL


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

  • birch
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    really like this. i agree with lee-sharp on maybe taking one of the time slots out though. other than that, love it! dusty
  • vertigo beat
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Perhaps, you can eliminate "to" in the last stanza? Loved it.


  • lee-sharp
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    the exact time worked the first time you used it, but when you kept repeating the idea of the time as a character "two am... two am...one am... outide of time.." it really distracts from the journey.

    overall a fantastic piece, though.

  • layla.
    October 8, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Nice.

1 - 17 of 17