I feel absolutely nothing, vacant from within
My mind is a blank, empty of all its thoughts
I am not happy, sad, nor anywhere in between
There is no smile, no expression upon my face
I am sitting here quietly, at peace for now
In perfect harmony with myself, with the universe
Remaining peaceful in a trance like state of mind
Staring up into the sky looking beyond the stars
An unexpected calm washes over me from head to toe
Like waves caressing the sandy shores of a beach
Cleansing me from within the very depth of my soul
The calm that comes just before an emotional upheaval
The kind that would surely turn my world upside down
Shaking the very foundation of my own existence
Searching for something, a splinter of hope to hold onto
Before sinking helplessly into an endless sea of despair
October 8 2007
A contest entry
- Wherever you are stop and write! by alexandrathegreat.
1800 points, ended October 24, 2007, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me Into The Dumps Of Your Life by Nostalgia.
475 points, ended October 29, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Just give me your best by The Phoenix Returns.
700 points, ended March 24, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Although the poem started with a contemplative tone, it didn't offer much later into the poem. It was just like repeating the same void a few too many times. There were places you could have taken this poem to, but you chose to hold back your muse. That's where I believe it failed to work for me. It could have been far more metaphoric and far more intense.
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I can relate to this one very well. Being a person with bipolar disorder, this is the feeling I get just before the depression hits. This calmness is almost scary because what should be a serene moment seems to be almost a warning. Wonderful writing...
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Sorry it takes me so long to reply. Thank you for reading my poem. I always write about what and how I feel this is my way of staying grounded. It helps me not to get trapped by all of these feeling's and emotions. Once again thanks so much for reading.
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This poem is really nice. i enjoyed reading it. keep on writing Jen.
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I think many will relate with your poem. We all have these times of numbness..its normal, we are human, how can we walk around with a smile on our faces everyday, every minute...Well done, thanks for sharing
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I have been there and come back.
It is such a tanquil place to be i often achieve this while writing. -
Cool, it definatly had feeling, brought me into your life, however shallow the water was. I felt like you were feeling numb, shocked but not shocked. Almost vancant...I liked your beginning stanza, and your ending one. I could find almost no grammatical errors in this piece. And it was actually fairly enjoyable. Nice job, most people probably won't get that from me Somehow, (I don't know how) your words gave me the picture of someone doing yoga, and trying to erase their pain. Anyway, nice work. And thanks for entering.
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I am sitting here quietly, at peace for now
In perfect harmony with myself, with the universe
I've read this peice a few times. I haven't got much commenting push in me these days - but the thing is, everytime I read it, it feels good. Most poems that I read annoy me on the second or third read and then we realize how overused the poem is. But this. I have a feeling that the non-rhymers will now have to keep a lookout for you
The depth in this poem is amazing. You can see a vivid picture being painted in front of your eyes - each word is another stroke of paint added to the picture. SImply amazing.
I wish you well
Times like this will always happen - can't be avoided. But those who survive are the strongest, you're strong and you just have to pass through it. Things get better - they always do
Never ♥
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting on my poem. It is nice to hear that you enjoyed this
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A great description of how to prepare for the stresses of life, if we know the upheaval might be on its way, meditate and visualize. Wealthy description here. Well done.
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Wow very impressive..especially knowing that your writing syle is rhyming...so yeah i really like this. Very good imagery as well..I dont think i would change anything at all..nd since i don't write nonrhyming poetry i dont' really have much critic...but i do really like this! awsomely penned!
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Thanks Ale E. This came to me at around 2am. I just wrote what was in my mind and heart at that time. Thanks so much for reading.
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Just beautiful words and so well written...I could feel all the emotions as though they were staring me in the face...You are a wonderful poetess...They say the test of a true poet is to be able to hold your reader from beginning to end and I can truly say you have done that with this one..Thank yo so much for sharing with me
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Wonderful
Wow that is one of the best non rhyming poem I have ever read on here so far. I loved it. You are such a talented person when it comes to writing. Thanks for the read and keep on writing.
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Thanks!! I thought I would try something different. I really like the way it has turned out. What a wonderful surprise i got when i finishes writing this. I can say I blew my own mind. Wow!!!!! thanks for the reading
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Awesome write for sure
Very well done indeed I do hope though you arent really feeling this way although I have known a few times I have been there myself . Sometimes when I feel that way I sit down and write down all that comes into my mind .All my disapointments and my rage everything and when I cant think of any more I read it and then I crunch it all up and throw it in the trash .It seems to help releave the stress and I can go on then sort of like the recycle bin on the computor I get rid of the trash and leave room for better thoughts to emerge
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Yes this was how I was feeling at about 2 am. So I thought i would just go with it and see where it would lead. What a surprise to see that I could write something other than rhymes. I am amaze with how this has turned out. Thanks so much for reading my poem. It really does mean the world to me.
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This is a little depressing but hey I asked for anything nice imagery here, I like pointlessness of it all. Kind of like life, sometimes feels so meaningless like your descriptions. Good work! Thanks for entering.
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Thanks for having a contest and for commenting on my poem. I'm trying something new. Writing without ryhming. Thanks for reading.
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I'm left speechless. I have been commenting most of the night and this is by far one of the best I have read. No offense to alexandrathegreat but if your piece doesn't at least get a silver, she's foolish. This was amazing. The melancholy beauty really won me over.
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Now I'm speechless!!!!! thanks for reading and for your comments they mean the world to me.
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This was a great poem and it was very well written, and you topics were welly incorperated, my favorite part was "I am not happy, sad, nor anywhere in between
There is no smile, no expression upon my face" That right there was awsome, i thank you for sharing, all the best luck in your contest, best wishes, michael <3 -
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Thanks Michael for reading my poem. I'm trying something new, writing without ryhming. first poem i've ever written that does not ryhme.
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