As I sit here in my leaning chair, feet up
The bitter breeze coming in through the screen
Autumn has finally bowed out and let winter take hold
I can see my breath inside this dimly lit room
And cant help but feel it is fitting for a goodbye...
I refuse to give a presumed 'death bed' speech
And no Father is here to forgive me for my sins,
I have strayed from the path, and not seen the light
And although my sins are many,
I do not feel the need to clear my conscience
I have feared life more than I have death
Every move I made was planned, I never took a leap
Above anyone else, I need to apologize to myself
For holding back and fearing rejection
And for needlessly lying, stealing and breaking hearts
I carry my personal burdens alone
And for that reason I will not give final words
To those few individuals who know me truly
With all of my short comings in this life
I feel I did do one thing commendable
I have made it a tentative point
To tell everyone that loved them, every day
There should be no mixed feelings when I am gone
Because you all know how much you are loved
And please know that I am aware of how much you love me
And because of the mutual devotion
My presence and spirit will always be with you
I know that because you are reading this
I have already left this world
Do you still feel me with you?
Because I am...
Author notes
With all of my short comings in this life
I feel I did do one thing commendable
Comments
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I love the ending! "Because I am..." is a perfectly fitted ending to an already perfect poem! The entire 2nd stanza is my favorite, because it is so you! I loved it doll! Truly a winner!
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freebird88
62.5
Initital Impact- 4/10
*it drug along a little too slowly in the middle, but the start and finish work really well, effective book-ends.
Resolution- 23/40
*i think you did a somewhat sound job with the resolution. it was a little vague and relied a little too heavily on an overplayed sentiment for effect. i wouldve liked to see a metaphor carried throughout, maybe.
Flow and Execution- 9/20
*some choices you made in punctuation, like the lack of periods and prescence of commas were a little distracting in the overall read. the line breaks were somewhat appropriate, but the overall read felt a little heavy and dense because your lines were so long.
Content- 16.5/20
*this is the first piece to really address, in detail, its audience and commit. though a little wordy at times and though the sentiment carried the piece, it was still a worthy effort on this particular front.
Form and Adherence to the Rules- 10/10
*all rules were follwed
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