[ 07/10/07 ] If only i knew

Stupid bitch. And all alone
when will you see that its your fault
lie and deny all you want
but it will not stop me from rubbing in the salt

they love you dearly, but they want you dead
you bring them pain, hurt and sorrow
can't you see that it's true.
they wish that you are dead for tomorrow

give them piece of mind, you know I'm right
stop mucking about and pull out the knife
you want to see the blood, it gives you pleasure
you know its true, what you must do. End your life.

i am a friend, now would i lie?
you see me everyday. In the mirror.
i tell you whats true, i do not lie.
i make sure that your life is that much clearer.

stop hanging around, its not worth it.
you know that you will bring them happiness,
in the long run. I swear you will.
But you must do it know, then write to confess.

Bring out the bottle, down it in one
then grab another, they are just jealous that you feel free
don't care what they think. It's your life, don't listen to what they say,
Its LIES. You're not the good things they say. So ignore and flee.

See isn't it easy? i told you that it would be.
dance that knife into your wrist, do not stop.
watch the blood escape like it was meant to do.
Now lie back and relax, dispose that blade: like a prop.

If that does not work, do not worry.
I have other ways out, just listen to me,
i'll always be here. Hang from that tree,
overdose on those pills, jump off that building. Then you'll be free

All the things i say running through our head
leaves you speechless. frozen.
Listen to me, i am your God.
And to die, its you i've chosen.

Come on now. Todays the day. Stop wasting time.
I am not special, don't have a great smile, an imperfect girl
don't do what i'm told, don't have a perfect body, or mind.
You are not pretty, nor a meaningful child, just a fake Pearl

Constantly pressing self destruct, but its don't working
wishing i was dead, again, she is right. I ought to be gone.
No one notices, but at the same time they intervene.
see that your low, and as always withdrawn.

It is not fair that you feel like this, but it is your fault
just get a grip and do what you have to, stop making them suffer
your a bitch, and a whore, now do what you should. End it all.
Yes they might be hurt. But it'll make them that much tougher.

Fucks sake do it now, stop hesitating.
Shock you're being attention seeking, nobody cares
just get on with it, your time had come.
It doesn't matter that everone stares.

Your grave will be over flooded,
with people that say they "loved you"
do not worry, as they are pleased, now they can
go on to lead a normal life, its only fair thats what they do.

You can watch from above, send them your love.
Least you can't hurt them everyday like you used to.
Watch them grow, achieve, live and fall inlove
Their perfect lives, long overdue.

Every year a rose on your grave, to remember your lost life
Like i said, your not fogotten, even though your dead.
You might have brought them grief, but now they are much happier.
that love that you feel for them, never goes unsaid.

Years from now, engaged, married or having kids.
their living their life's, carring on, maybe wishing i was here,
i don't know. But i'm so proud of you all, and wish you the best,
you never needed me. Ever. My love for you all, i want to make clear.