You want to see what motivates me?
First, take a look into my eyes.
Hold my gaze and observe
the things that make me... me....
I'll have someone escort you.
"As you delve deeper into Her soul
you will see the skin deep things
that you should just glance at and move on.
To the right, She feels ugly,
The left, She feels jealous or mad.
(these things don't go any deeper,
don't worry.)" your Guide informs you.
The Guide is a blue entity, the same
color as Her eyes.
A little farther on in your journey
to discover things about just ONE person,
you pass a tinted window.
"This is something you will not understand...
so let's move on", says The Guide.
(You sneak a glance through the window
and see a simple but beautiful woman
with long flowing tendrils of brown hair
playing Bach... on a violin.)
Later, as you walk along,
you see inumerable figures of Her ... reading?
"They are learning", The Guide explains.
"Every observation She has, these
little fellows will make sense of it
so she can understand what goes on around her.
Sometimes... sometimes they mess up
and She is made a fool of by others on the outside...
those are bad times." The Guide acts nervous.
After further exploration,
The Guide captures your gaze and says
"I hope you've enjoyed your time
seeing things about this girl that is special
to Her but ... there is one more stop."
The Guide turns around and takes out a key.
The Guide slowly opens a huge door just a crack.
And you are suddenly enveloped by a huge wave
of love...?
The Guide quickly closes the door.
"You aren't really supposed to see
that... but in there" she points at the closed door,
"is where the real Her is... Her being.
Sorrounded by love"
The Guide quickly takes you back to where you started.
The Guide begins to have a definite shape... two circles.
"What did you think?" I ask you... warily.
Well?
A contest entry
- Your Poetic Soul by poet2angels.
700 points, ended October 11, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - No Rules (NO ADULT/EROTICA I CANT READ) by Nicotine Eyes.
525 points, ended November 15, 2007, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You were born an original. Don't die a copy. (Now allowing prewrites) by Metaphorist.
600 points, ended November 19, 2007, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Enjoy!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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That was incredible. I actually felt as if I was on a journey. Thank you!
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Excellent
I really enjoy your writing style--The sincerity of your words are compelling to the reader--I also admire your Christian testimony----My testimony is my poem entitled "A Buried Treasure" I consider it to be my best composition---Click on the link below---
http://poetrypoem.com/cgi-bin/index.pl?poemnumber=815786&sitename=buriedtreasures&password=&poemoffset=0&displaypoem=t&item=poetry
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fantastic!
That is absolutely brilliant! The best poem I've read on this site so far. (Alright, I'm new, but still.) I love the concept of having a tourguide show you around somebody's mind, and I completely understand the desire to be truly seen for what you are. God's kid.
I thought the line about the blue guide seemed a bit weak, but aside from that, a truly amazing original piece of work.
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Positives: An original idea to use a tour guide metaphor. Using third person is a very effective way to reveal yourself without feeling as exposed as when writing in first person (at least in my experience). The capitalization of “Her” and “She” worked well.
Negatives: Just one. Maybe the title was a little too cliché considering how original the rest of the piece was. But I guess it fits given the content.
Very nice poem. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!
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WOW, beautiful imagrey,Best of luck
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You have penned a piece of your heart as narrarated by a 3rd party...Such a unique and beautiful piece...
Lynda
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That. Was. Incredible.
I don't know if anyone has ever captured themself so fully and beautifully into words as you have just now! Wow. I'm amazed. Don't really know what else to say.
Uh.. how about... you rock! =]
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