Cold raindrops sink onto my face
Each instant sealed to cloak my fears
But all that's left are gold remains
Dust in my eyes in lieu of tears
I yearn to wash the pain away
My skin beneath a dripping sky
And yet the gold dust won't give way
I will not cry, I will not cry
A shard of glass each raindrop brings
To shatter on the pavement bare
And with each clash my heartbeat sings
Of all the truths in which I'm scared
I pray to God and ask for tears
He says, My child, you will not cry
On your accord you bear these fears
The shadows of a golden pride
Author notes
best prewrite
A contest entry
- Two entries. All prewrite. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended February 23, 123 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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This title is immaculate and the accompanying write is just as fabulous. This is a treasure, one of the several that AP holds and it someone (i.e.) were to dig through poems long enough, they would find it and be pleased. Wonderful work. Thanks for the share. Best wishes.
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I love the title. So much.
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wow
This is great. Your meter and rhyme are perfect, but dont seem forced. You didnt compromise the story to make if flow better, and its a great story anyway. Awesome!
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a sad refrain and beautifuly penned. I love the imagery in the third stanza and how you associate pride with something hard yet prized like gold. The title seemed a little long, could it be condensced?
well done!
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yeah the title is kinda long, isn't it? the reason for that, though, is the title is a quote from a song [of which i can't remember the name at the moment], and i came across that line in, i think, a contest or something, and it inspired me =]
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Awesome!!!
I love it...its great. kinda stuff that brings you close to tears
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Hmm. Digesting. A little annoyed of the "unto". Unto is used incorrectly in this poem. You mean 'on to'- unless you have manipulated English grammar beyond my comprehension.
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very nice!i love the words you put into this poem!i love the ending its pure and sweet!to tell you the truth i think this one of the best poems on this website!well i have to go!bye,as i always say always try your best and never give up!
sincerely,
sweetdancer (yasmine) -
this was a very good write. For it shows how pride can ruin alot of things. Very well done, you have alot of talent.
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It made my eyes water. Very close to crying.
Terrific write.
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Wow. This is beautiful.
I love the repetition of the raindrops/wash/cry imagery.
Great job!
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AMAZING
so much rhythm,so much emotional energy!!!my words are simply useless!I will applaud this in absolute silence!well done indeed!
keep up writing!
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Whoa!
This is pretty good I think! Boy God is not very forgiving though! Well done getting the point across
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