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Winter Green

Tilting my head back,

To look up at you.

I see eyes,

That I have known,

And seen;

For years in my dreams.

Eyes,

That remind me,

Of snow capped Fir trees.

And Silvered clouds.

The clouds,

Outline the trees,

Against their stark and bleak existence.

Ever changing.

Ever shifting.

Never the same shape,

Nor color,

As moments before.

Eyes that,

Like the snow-filled clouds above;

Have the tendency to,

captivate the mind.

Harboring your thoughts.

Your emotions.

Holding in the abundance

Of your love.

And when you let it,

wash out on those around you.

It falls softly,

As the snowflakes swirling in the wind.

Lightly kissing skin.

Your eyes.

Are my muse.

My heart.

And my joy.

Such intense beauty they do so hold.

 

Author notes

This one came to me earlier this evening...as I was thinking up ideas for Photography. this one is one that you have to really read between the lines to really get...so lets see if anyone can understand it...lol

In a list

leave me your honest opinion...your thoughts on what this is about...and your critique please

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Lady Eventide
    October 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    My honest opinion: Wow. Really beautiful. The way you delved into describing his eyes, and with the use of nature. Brilliant. Really brilliant.

    My thoughts on what this is about: A man who has captured your heart just by a simple gaze...a man who can spread his love and let it drift towards everyone like snow.

    Critique: Mm...is this guy real? Wow. A heartbreaker, seems like, just don't let him go. Sorry. No true crit.

    All in all: I LOVE IT.


    • irishmidnight
      October 13, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      PhantomsEcho

      thank you again...and yes...he's very very real **winks**


  • sweetdancer
    October 11, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is very nice poetry!i love how you put the words into a respectful piece of poetry!to tell you the truth i think this is one of the best poems here on allpoetry!well i have to go!always do your best and never give up!

    sincerely,
    sweetdancer (yasmine)


  • HaleyMary
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful. Wonderful imagery and emotion in this piece. This made me think of spending time with a loved one and the happiness two people can feel when experiencing nature together. This piece also seemed to have a spiritual aspect to it. The words really spoke to my soul. I hope I understood this piece. Keep writing.


    • irishmidnight
      October 8, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      ARZAB

      **smiles warmly** Thank you and you are so right on target...


  • Knight70 silver member
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Incredible imagery!!!

    Like the snow-filled clouds above;

    Have the tendency to,

    captivate the mind.

    Harboring your thoughts.

    Your emotions.

    Holding in the abundance

    Of your love.


    And when you let it,

    wash out on those around you.

    It falls softly,

    As the snowflakes swirling in the wind.



    This beautiful piece speaks to me in a spiritual sense. There is equisite beauty abundant in your work. I'm so glad that I came across it. I plan on reading much more, that is, in between cramming my brain in college.

    Don


    • irishmidnight
      October 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Knight70

      **blushes deeply** thank you so very juch...this comment means alot to me!!!

  • near1202apocalypse
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful. thats all i can say

    This made me smile when i looked at it, i could picture the clouds and the eyes so vividly. Love it way much!!!!


  • BluArtistEyes
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Brilliant! Very Brilliant!

    This poem is really deep so this one might be a long review first part reminds me of dreams of true love when you wake up all the features are gone & the only thing left to remember was the eyes of your love, wow second part makes me think of green eyes... The end is great it describes a gentle beautiful love... I love the poem all the way to the end, it's brilliant!

    *****CJ

    • irishmidnight
      October 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      BottleOfMemories

      **Smiles** Your comments make me smile...this one especially...I think this one is my favorite of yours so far...**laughs**


  • singingfreedom
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well, since we spent all this time talking about honest critique...

    I don't think you need the line "ever changing", since the next line immediately follows with "ever shifting". Seems a bit redundant.

    "The clouds,
    Outline the trees,
    Against their stark and bleak existence." <-- AWESOME LINES!!!!


    Other suggestion is for the beginning,

    "Tilting my head back,
    To look up at you.
    I see eyes,
    That I have known,
    And seen;
    For years in my dreams."

    Since you already write "see" the "seen" also seems redundant.

    "Have the tendency to,
    captivate the mind.
    Harboring your thoughts.
    Your emotions." Another group of awesomeness lines.

    And now, for the overall: The punctuation throughout this added an interesting rhythme to the poem. I probably missed the whole "read between the lines" thing, though it's apparent you're comparing something to nature, and not actually talking about nature. I was swept up in the sweetness of your words, though, and the beauty the piece holds. And the last line was great, with the placement of the word "they", because technically, one could wonder whether the "they" is referring to what you were just talking about, your heart and joy, or something else within the context of the poem.


    • irishmidnight
      October 7, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Stumbling

      Hmmm...I see what you mean!! Thanks so much...i'll edit it here in a bit...**hugs**

1 - 14 of 14