i.
am ugly
inside and out
i am ugly.
dieseased and broken.
filthy and burned
concealed;
hidden in my own anxiety,
my skin cracked
and eaten by maggots;
crawling in and out of my eyes.
i.
am ugly
inside more than in,
my organs decomposing
and my veins bursting
my bones breaking
and now i cannot walk.
i.
am hideous
a soul detested by society
craving for perfection.
i.
am ugly
inside and out.
i.
am ugly.
Author notes
.
A contest entry
- Rounds Contest [Dune Buggy] Round One by Naridill.
360 points, ended October 7, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
-
wow
hey hun... everybody has a beauty, but not everybody can see it... i'm sure you're not ugly...
U = Ur the best
G = Good as the rest
L = Lovable, adorable smile
Y = Yielding, willing to share
-
you arent ugly sweetie, inside or out.
this had some amazingly striking and disturbing imagery.
you got your message across well.
hope things have improved a bit.
love Conny xxx
-
I really enjoyed the format of this, however it is a bit angsty for my taste. I'm sure you're not ugly.
Otherwise,
concealed;
hidden in my own anxiety
are probably the best lines, the idea of actually being hidden in anxiety is a strong one. Great write. -
Interesting and confusing too. I liked it, but not sure if I understood it, or if I was even meant to understand it . I thought it was about self hate at first, then I started to think it was about a decomposing body, then it went back to self hate. Anyway, whatever, it is a well written poem and I enjoyed the confusion of it. If it is a self hate thing, I'm sure you're not ugly at all! Remember beauty comes from with in, it sounds like you have a beautiful soul to me !
-
Intriguing
Ok to be completely honest I'm not big into free verse and I'm not into gross stuff but I'm going to try to be analytically minded here. Structurally, I like what you've done because I am of the opinion that if it's a free verse poem it should at least have some interesting rhythm and structure, and I feel that you've done that well here. It has a visual appeal because of the shapes and spaces you've used. Grammatically, you use semicolons a bit too liberally, keep in mind that they can only be used to separate two independent clauses, meaning two sentences. But at the same time, your use of semicolons makes a pretty symmetry throughout. Intriguing to me was that while much of the poem described the rotting of flesh, etc, you disrupted that theme with 'and now I cannot walk' which doesn't really fit in the rotting flesh theme but actually I find quite interesting that way. It piques my interest and starts me wondering what kinds of delicious metaphors lurk within that sentence. Also a sort of sub-theme that wove through the poem was society, things like the self and anxiety and perfection. Overall, you have strong (if disgusting) imagery and I feel that all of this poem is an extended metaphor which is quite lovely.
-
Horrible. Scary. Awesome.
I loved the i. that you used constantly, and the way you ended it with that one simple line that started it all and explained every bit of it. I hope you really don't feel this way about yourself though O.O cause this poem was, while being good, horrible to think of a person like this that's just wasting away and no one seems to be caring( the detested by society line kinda says that? maybe?)
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
-
Hmmm...This reminds me of a Walt Whitman poem, but I can't remember what it was called. It had gruesome descriptions, much like this, and probably a similar underlying meaning. As for the underlying meaning, its a commonly used one (which could be a flaw, depending on one's opinion). But the somewhat cliched meaning can be overlooked by the interesting format. I thought the "i"s were roman numerals at first, as if for different parts, but then I saw that they were an interesting repetition. I like how you put the period's after each one, kind of separating the "i" from everything else. It increases the feelings of seclusion and different-ness. The shorter stanzas at the end also contribute a lot. The abruptness helps to deliver the brutal point. An interesting write.
-
It was good
Well-written
I'd like it better if I hadn't been eating
Seriously killed brownies, my friend.
-
Different. But penetrating it's bluntness. the cold reality of belief... Oh how I agree... Wonderful write darling, how I look forward to reading more.,
-Danneh<3(Was ugly from birth) -
Wow, this is a good piece...depressing, but good nevertheless. Bravo!
-gh -
Interesting...a sad ring to it, but still I like it =)
-
Awesome Idea!
A Vision of uglyness, faithfully thought out, and perfectly portayed...
My Favorite line was! "i. am hideous a soul detested by society craving for perfection."
A stunning and ever compelling verse of an sad truth...
If I could give you my applaud and have it wiegh on your heart, as my honst way I felt about this honest writing... far grater than thee applauds... I would have to give way more than AP allows me to!
Great feeling behind this muse...
~ James ~
-
I like this piece; it's not cliche-sounding or anything like pieces like this usually are. Just one question, who is this? I know you're one of the GGW'S but I've been away from AP for a while and I didn't get the message about you changing your name. Thanks<3
-
ugly, yet beautiful in truth
As your 1st poem, this is very good and i welcome you to the fantastic world of writing and this site here. I honestly hope to read more of what you write...
If your self esteem improves you will become a great and famous Poet/Artist *
*
Ha ha ha
And good luck in the contest -
The words you use makes me really visualize it, I can see it so well, its scary, I really like this peace, good job. _ritz
-
This is a great poem. It reminds me of my piece 'Killed' wonderful imagery and heart put into this. I completely understand the concept of dark poetry. nice work
-
wow. this has such strong wording.overall, a very good poem. but why would you write this?? do you really feel this way?? =/
-
The one thing that strikes most about this piece is the format. The longer spacings gives empnasis, leaving each emotional point to sink in. Also, the use of "i" not being capitalised, this is very effective and is almost used as a personal put-down, making ones self feel even more small when writing it, again, emphasising the point to the reader.
Good write.
-
This piece is very depressing, some poetic content has been whipped from downers but I do feel it has potential. I reckon if you take out all the personal nouns and work around that, this piece would drift alot better, the flow would be beautiful and it would really just give the piece more emotional relativeness.
Thanks for entering & much luck.
-
This poem has split my opinion. On the one hand, I am terribly sad to read such words. What a world we must live in where one can feel this way. However, I felt that it was very well put.
If the 'ugliness' that you describe comes as a result of behaviour as opposed to physical appearances, then I would say again, well done, as it would (to me at least) be a recognition of a need for a change and would also imply that you are in control. On the other hand, if it relates to appearance only, then it is sad and I would ask you to really think about whether someone who can write such a verse could ever be said to be ugly.
-
To feel so lifeless, yet to live on undead is unlike any other mythical perdition death-fearers have ever imagined up.
What is true hell, existance.
-
very nice write here i like how you express the feelings in it and make it very visual keep up the good work here and i would love to read more of your writes...
Angel -
Stricking by its simplicity
there are so many types of poetic devices, some are ment to shock the reader, some are meant to expose eamotions, some are simply meant to be devastatingly sincere.this poem I dare put it in the last(but not the least) category as it bursting with sincerity yet keeping in the rhythm that emotional energy that adds so much to the final effect.there are no methaphors in here but I stand up for this simplicity as they would have only spoil its magic,making it all too comercial.written in this manner,the poem speaks for itself and in the name of the many as well.the end strikes because it leaves no room for interpretations, being so honest and direct yet so much like an echo vibing through the whole poem.pointing out the individual by repetedly using that "I", it gives that personal flavour needed to set free your feelling but it also transforms the reader into the main character as well.while reading, it leaft me in wondering,just like in front of a virtual mirror,poping-up a myriad of questions!well done indeed!keep up and thank you for the comment!
-
purposefull
You achieve the 'feeling' by the use of words very well. so well done, I do hope this poem is simply an outlet and not an 'out of control write'. I liked the verse
"a soul detested by society
craving for perfection"
very good, except for the ending. best wishes ^^
-
-
what do you mean an "out of control write"?
-
-
Though I'm not a big fan of this kind of poetry, I applaud your use of words to create an excellent picture.
Adding your comment:
1 - 26 of 26
