Lost in a cold dark world,
I cry alone,
I tell no one of my pain,
They know something is rong,
Yet there to scared to ask.
Than in my dank dark room,
A light appears,
And my tears clear,
Everyone see's me smiling again,
Now they ask,
I tell them about my light,
My light named Mark,
The one who made me see,
Happiness and love in the world,
The one who saved me,
From my depression.
Author notes
i was depressed for months after my ex ended it i spent one night with mark as friends and i was over it now me and mark are together and i wrote this poem for him.
does it make sence?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Aww sweet . I liked the hope and light that this poem portrayed, and the story behind it ^-^. The only problem is I thought that there could have been a better portrayal of the darkness at first, make it a bit longer and more descriptive maybe and have the light come at the end, like a beacon that will spread on forever ^-^? Maybe that's just me. Overall it was a very good write.
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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wow.mark must be an amazing person.he sounds like it anyways.this is a great write.
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This is a good write. I like how you showed yourself coming out of the depression here.
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Love is in my heart, that brought me here....I can feel your desire to share that feeling -- ya, it makes perfect sense to me.
I am not going to go into structure and too much depth of all that stuff because some pieces just don't need it and come out just the way they were meant to. It doesn't mean it works for everyone, it just means it works and I think you did what you wanted, express your feelings and your obvious gratitude.
Angel aka WoundedAngel. -
Hi,
A few grammatical points first:
First line 'world'
Fourth line 'wrong'
Fifth line 'they are or they're + too'
Sixth line 'Then'
Ninth line 'sees' (the apostophe makes for possession)
Otherwise, a bit vague. I would consider more description, to make this theme your own.
Glad to hear that the depression is over though!
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Few quick grammar/spelling typos; line 1 I think you meant cold dark world. Line 4: rong should be wrong. Line 5: 'Yet there scared to ask' that should be they're not there, and too scared not to scared. Line 6: than should be then. Line 9: see's should sees. On to the good stuff! I thought it was an interesting amalgam of simple rhymes and free verse. I think the imagery of a cold dark world was good, and comparing Mark to a light. You should definitely develop that metaphor further! Also, the emotional aspect really struck me. You were experiencing some really powerful emotions and this poem communicated the darkness of them and the hopelessness you were feeling. The background fits well too!! It's sort of like you felt like your heart full of darkness but something bright and beautiful has blossomed within you. Anyway, hope this comment helps!
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