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From night to day, From day to night

My room is filled with absolute silence,
Quiet in every fashion except what goes unheard,
A black hole capturing the sound of each frigid breath,
Dull as the sharpest edge of a circle,
The silence pierces through me,
A silent scream in agony and pain,
The release from having to express at all,
Having to speak with my eyes,
And trying to receive response with my intuition,
Not enough,
A frequency of radio never visited,
The loudest day on the dark side of the moon,
What hell has called my brain home?
Blackening every step towards the end,
Every time with a darker shade of ash,
Until my clock has ticked its last tock.

Living in only periods of light,
From night to day and from day to night,
Mental calendars of images published each year,
Yet silence, I've learned, is easier to hear.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • mars
    January 20, 2008

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    Really enjoyed your write. You have some brilliant lines in this piece: "Dull as the sharpest edge of a circle"; "A frequency of radio never visited" and "Living in only periods of light" to list a few of my favorite lines. Well done!


  • ellipsist
    January 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I really like the closing stanza of this piece... the rest seems quite abstract and, even a bit heavy, in places, by comparison... I think that final stanza is the strength of this piece...


  • workingharleylady
    January 14, 2008

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    SWEET

    The images conveyed kept my interest peaked throughout. Sometimes that's not so easy as you may know.
    My favorite lines:
    The release from having to express at all,
    Having to speak with my eyes,
    And trying to receive response with my intuition,
    Not enough,
    BRILLIANT!!


  • grassisgreener
    January 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like the last two lines, intriguing, but the rest is sort of banal to me. for me atleast i don't encourage rhyme unless it's with outlandish words, like ferocious and atrocious or something lol. keep working this, perhaps play with the syntax, and i'll come back if you'd like


  • AlwaysbeBIG
    January 9, 2008

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    Cool

    Nice...I really liked the ending a lot, it summed up the poem very well.

    "Blackening every step towards the end,
    Every time with a darker shade of ash,
    Until my clock has ticked its last tock."

    Were really good lines...Thanks for entering, and good luck in my contest


  • RedwingSpirit silver member
    January 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem thanks for entering into my contest I wish you the best of luck Congratulations on the trophies


    • wailinhalen15
      January 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thanks!

      thanks so much for the compliments!...thanks for your consideration


  • Nicolette Everett
    November 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is good. It has really good poetic strength. The flow is nice and the words blend together really well. I like what you wrote about and its something anyone can connect to, sense sometimes silence is can be the better thing.
    Good job!


  • Lola Green
    November 15, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Good luck in the contest!!!


  • lysdarling
    October 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what song?? you need to put what was the inspiration for this in the author notes or it'll be dq'd.
    -lys


  • fairytalelovestory
    October 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    finalist


  • Naridill
    October 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    The ending is strong, quite beautiful but it does seem more like an opener, I feel focusing on that phrase would have added alot to this piece.

    But as it is, it does fit well within itself. The flow creates a nice aura which helps with the read and really stands out nicely.

    Thanks for entering & much luck.


  • Manoj Sanyal
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice poem.Liked the last para... very well concluded.
    Best wishes and good luck,

1 - 14 of 14