frightened you'll realize
your committal to me
when, behold-
the beast that lurks
behind this beauty
you tell me i possess,
somewhere amidst the blur.
the soiled dirty damage,
the quivering of rain,
the timid shell
of an innocent weakened girl
crying quiet-soul tears
sweetened by soft mercy.
but what,
when my hands fall,
if these eyes don't find you?
my reflection's pale shadow
subsisting by your light-
you, who has found
all joy and grace
beyond the shame
at the core of this fable
of a sure woman.
careful to disrobe this body
within your sight,
for i know it is not with you
i must find trust,
but wounded memories dolor
to ease roots grip,
a vanity reflecting madness
past glass tears.
wary of what will show in you-
undeniably me.
gambling your drowning demise
when resign pours forth.
impending embraced collapse
of will and aplomb
as surrender comes
pushing out in primal screams.
sing me through night, watch me,
i see you in darkness-
hold me when my demons moan
minor key dirges-
walk through the dismal,
steady my stumbling-
whisper me the place you found
where my splendor rests.
real,
the one
that curls the rave,
sacrificing heart.
A contest entry
- I'll Be Your Mirror (Velvet Underground) by aliceramone.
525 points, ended October 10, 2007, 4 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me your best prewritten poems by Blue-Rose Beauty.
1200 points, ended July 16, 107 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow. I read this twice and I came up with different conclusions each time. Hm..
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Good imagery. It was kind of creepy but very well written.
Favorite lines: the beast that lurks
behind this beauty
you tell me i possess,
somewhere amidst the blur.
Overall grade: 6/10
Thanks for entering -
Hm.. That was a good write. I liked the message and deepness to it.
Strongest point: The last stanza with the lines ascending.
Favorite line:
the soiled dirty damage,
the quivering of rain,
the timid shell
of an innocent weakened girl
crying quiet-soul tears
sweetened by soft mercy.
Areas that need improvement: None that I can think of at the moment
That was a very nice poem.
Overall grade: 8 -
well done
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stunning
my god jen .. this.... i can't believe but i have not seen it . omg ... so beautiful almost as if the fragility is the greatest strength
i am so in love .. omg 
ok thats it this is front page stuff. even more .. it touched me and it was the most eloquent thing i've seen in some time
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Wow!! The gold trophy is well deserved.
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i can see you in this poem
here i find the best so far i have read of yours a great pace and tone, and the eyes catch words staring back. inspired by velver underground i see
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I don't doubt that this is a very good poem, a gold trophy winner. Others appreciate it, but, frankly, I myself don't understand it very well. I don't enjoy Shakespreare's sonnets either; probably my fault rather than Shakespeare's.
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Excellent
That last stanza just moved me to my knees. Excellent. Heartfelt congratulations on the gold trophy. So very very well done. ~Pamela
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wonderful!
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a great piece...some killer imagery and language here and I especially love the fourth stanza and the ending-true to the contest-very well done...thanks for entering and good luck in the contest
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i added the missing line to the fourth stanza
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