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virus

what if love
were an std?
what if everything we did
bound you to me

but it pushes you away

you're a disease
and you're so incurable
love is a virus
and i'm infected

(too bad it's not contagious)

love is a virus
burning fire inside us
my kerosene soul
ignites too quickly

little things you said
echo in my head
lying on the bed
the way you looked at me

i can see your face
can't get you off my mind
were you for real?
was it a lie?

love is a virus
burning fire inside us
my rice-paper soul
ignites too quickly...

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • XLadyXVengeanceX
    December 18, 2007

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    i think you hit the nail on the head that is a really good poem i like the way you write and i feel the same about the poems


  • ellipsist
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    lyrical flow... I imagine it sung to the tune of "all the things she said" by tatu... I am traditionally not a fan of lyrical poetry, but this strikes a chord with me... I admit that I like this a bit... although it makes me think of love giving me a burning sensation when I pee...

    nicely done


  • HeavenScent4U
    November 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i liked the thoughts behind this and a lot of the lines were good but the misplaced rhyme kind of tripped me up because it wasn't consistent best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed


  • beryl
    October 27, 2007

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    A sad but true perspective on misplaced love, liked the metaphores,they were excellent, you really showed the darker emotions of love quite easily, the poem seemed to flow unforced, good luck.


  • Walking Tall
    October 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this is brilliant...
    the idea of love as a virus or std..
    "too bad it's not contageous"
    you really put a lot of great ideas into this
    it's original
    and i love it
    congrats
    good luck in the contests
    seej


  • MissStranger
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    this one was truly amazing!at first I thought that all these simple word-combinations will have no effect upon me whatsoever and that this cliche "love is a virus" will sound plain and too simplistic but as I read along,the emotional energy strickes as the rhythm of each line goes hand in hand with the swinging of the thoughts and the questiones poured within.the last stanza is the bomb in this poem as it gathers each and every single emotion within very intriguing and challanging organic feellings!well done indeed!


  • Burmina
    October 6, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooooohhhh.... I LOVE this one! What a great connection between the two! You may have just stirred my own muse here...

    Back to the write, though- well done. I love that you didn't chose to wax elequently with long and feathering lines, but rather kept then short and to the point. There is such power in blunt words, and your imagery here is dead on. The lines that just MADE this write for me were these ones:

    my kerosene soul
    ignites too quickly

    AMAZING!

    I didn't see any spelling or grammer booboos here (which is something that is seen less and less here)- well done there.

    Again, GREAT pen here

    Burmina

1 - 8 of 8