Sisters in Heaven meet for the first time
Lovingly they embrace one another in kind.
Such hardships endured
By their family below
Sisters above wish to comfort those whom they love
Every tear shed below, above is truly heartfelt
So recent the reunion
Of bonded girls in Heaven
Who left behind on Earth the broken hearts of all.
Every person to have known the girl
While on Earth she did reside
Now wishes it weren't so, and she returned to them below.
Above in Heaven the girl can see
This experience will give them strength they will need.
And a comforting thought for her to have
That she knows she'll see them all again soon
Joined with her in Heaven above.
She left behind all those who love her
Family and friends aplenty
Even those she did not know well
On them she left an impression
Of love and faith and cheerfulness
As she joins her sister in Heaven.
By Chelsea R. Perdue
Dedicated to Michelle Butler
How can I improve this?
Comments
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Thanks for entering
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this is sweet thank you for entering. i enjoyed reading it. =]
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This is such a sad piece... I am sorry for your loss...
Thank you so much for entering this contest. I wish you the best of luck
Karen -
I thought you portrayed the concept beautifully, but the mixing of rhyme patterns didn't help the poem out; rather it was distracting to focus on the changes.
In the beginning the rhyme was going very well and then you let the emotions fall into free verse, which I truly do like, but then you picked up rhyme again, but it was not as structured. I feel that with rhyme you have to be very poignant with the pattern you're going for. Or if you want to mix rhyme with free verse, then you need to make that distinction and stick to it.
I think concept wise this poem was very touching, but structurally, it could use some tightening. -
Your sentiment is very well done.
I never feel as if I can properly critique a piece that is written with such strong emotion -
very pretty i enjoyed reading this.
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absolutely stunning
This is so moving i just had to keep reading it over and over and over... truly an amazing piece!!!!
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Thank you so much I appreciate your enthusiasm for this piece. I am grateful you took the time to comment, thank you
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I dont even know what to say. im in awe... seriously, like this poem moved me. it struck really close to home for me because i lost one of my bestfriends to cancer when she was 14, and now i kinda act like an older sister to her younger one. i'll definately have to show her this. Oh, and thanks for sharing this amazing piece with me. it means a lot.
Keep on truck'n -
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Thank you. Michelle just barely turned 17. She will be missed, that's for sure, as I'm sure your friend is. I appreciate your comments so much.
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