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Dying Stars [2]

 

 

 

            I never felt you
            seep into my thoughts,
            and salsa the synapses
            of shrouded secrets once whispered
            to the dying stars.

            And didn’t notice,
            when you stole my mind,
            and ran with it
            to places I had
            never dreamed;
            I watched in awe as
            ice blue marble walls
            that once guarded
            uncomfortable thoughts,
            dissolved like sugar cubes
            in a self indulgent latte.

            But when I tasted
            the heat from your first kiss,
            I knew then,

            this foolhardy heart of mine
            was forever burned and scarred,
            in the euphoria of you.

 

 

 

Author notes


see also Dying Stars [1] - http://allpoetry.com/poem/show/3471224

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Everwind Rising
    February 25, 2008

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    I love your expert use of imagery here. You bring many different images together to create a well crafted poem. That last stanza packs a punch.

  • Eusebius
    November 6, 2007

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    bravo

    Ah, soooo wonderfully roooomantic! Most abley and so deftly turned upon your lathe of poetry! bravo... bravo... bravo...


  • Perception
    October 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Very interesting. Very entrancing. Beautiful write.

    Great job.

  • eternal-devotion
    October 9, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Intrigueing.

    I found this to be interesting and intrigueing. It describes at least to me someone who has found an intense desire for someone and needs to express these thoughts in a very complexe way.I particularely liked the second verse. It said so very much in a very discriptive way. This is very well done and I truely enjoyed reading it.


  • SilverRain
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this poem really over welmed me, it was a great write, the best part to me was, " And didn’t notice,
    when you stole my mind,
    and ran with it
    to places I had
    never dreamed;
    I watched in awe as
    ice blue marble walls
    that once guarded
    uncomfortable thoughts,
    dissolved like sugar cubes
    in a self indulgent latte." Thats just has so much emotianal depth, great write, very well writte, best wishes, michael <3


  • Griswold silver member
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Very nicely written, flowed very well and carried a deep message to it. Excellent write all around...Scott


  • cricketjeff gold member
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I am no expert

    In free verse, I'm a lover of rhyme and rhythm but there are some beautiful parts here. Gorgeous alliteration in the first stanza, and with "proper" dancing hot these days in the UK Salsa is a good image to use.
    Other images are very good too, but it didn't quite grab me, and I can't quite work out why. It could just be that I am missing it of course, because the parts seem to be so good.
    If I can nail down what it is that is cnawing at me I shall return and say so.


  • Floorboards
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful my friend, love the words you've used
    and the imagery is impressive,
    well done and good luck in the contest!
    Alex. *snuggles*


  • leo2
    October 9, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow!!!! I love it. I love the way you wrapped 'wish and want' in the lovely ribbons of metaphor and alliteration. This is what poetry is supposed to be all about. Excellent work my friend. I regret I have only 3 bunnies to give to this one.

    Sincerely,
    Leo Long
    ps. Definately bookmark material. I'll have to check out the first one too.


    • sarajaneUK
      October 9, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Leo, thank you for the fab comment, very much appreciated! You know i love the term...dying stars...just oozes sadness Glad you enjoyed !


  • Ithica silver member
    October 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Sometimes...

    Love absolutely blindsides you... Like a runaway train there isn't alot you can do about it... til the crash. The only thing worse would be to drown in the desire of an unrequited love. I think I would choose the trainwreck, scars and all... I love this poem so much, I think I'm gonna bookmark it. (the first one) Ithica


  • MlilAngel
    October 5, 2007

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    Chilling Words

    My eyes were simply glued when I started to read, the visual effects blended in so well with your writing it created a startling chill to run down my spine! I love this piece!! The disappearance, then the sharp pain of loss when a kiss comes in return, how you worded it sounded much better lol Keep up the good work!!!

1 - 12 of 12