Don't tell me this

I sit in this deserted waste land of a house,
your pictures hung on the walls.
Reminding me of everything you once did.

Your reminders are all over this house,
I try to forget every detail of you.
Your apology pulling my under as I slowly drown.

My heart beats know more,
I want the warmth of my skin back.
I've grew cold over the years.

My once perfect hair has now withered and dulled,
I choose my words carefully this time.
I hated what you had become.

Wanting me to axcept you for you,
Knowing that there could never be.
We tried so hard in the beginning.

Now I know that even if I die here tonight,
I can't change who you are inside.
I'm tired of sitting in this house.

With nothing to do,
as I watch everyone around me leave and go have fun.
I sit in this darkend corner of my room.

I've put all your things away for the last time,
I so tired my legs don't even want to hold me up anymore.
You've killed me from the inside out.

To weak to stand up and save myself from the flames that form around me.
To with drawn to bring myself to run,
the only thing that is sitting here is the shell that once was.

I can't spell it out anymore,
I'm tired of talking.
I'm not going to sit here and die with nothing under my belt.

Or so I thought,
My arms are scared as well as my heart.
My eyes blackend from nights with out sleep.

I'm tired of worring about you as if you were my child,
this undescrible pain that lunges itself into my chest when your name is mentioned.
The hours I've put in for you and you can't think me in any shape or form.

My bags are packed in the back,
even with that on my mind I can't force myself to stand.
My body is shutting it's self down.

I want nothing to get up and leave,
but the image of you keeps holding me back.
To weak to actually say what i'm feeling becuase I know you.

Tired of all these emotions cramned inside of me,
I bet you've never even felt the pressure of giveing up something have you.
It's always you never what I think is best.

If it's going to be like this I don't want to be drug down anymore.
If I can manage to get my legs to work and get myself out that door,
I would be free to go.

But the fear in the back of mind you have caused.
I'm so afraid of being alone now days,
I can't do anything by myself, and it's all your fault.

I've tried everything in the book to try to get you to do something productive,
but i've wasted my last breath.
I can know longer breath, I'm not saying another fucking word anymore.

You'll figure this out when you come home and I'm gone,
the only other person that can pull me from this tourment is my father.
You may think he wont but you seem to be taking him lightly.

I'm not putting out anymore warnings,
when you finally wake up it will be to late,
I'll be long gone from this place.

You seem to forget who is giving the orders here,
the man a head of you will take me when he feels it right.
Then you will never see me again.

But at this moment I could careless,
If I died tomorrow you would be know were to be seen.
The feeling of just giving up, has just come crashing down.

It's bad when you have to incourage your self to get up in the mornings,
so you won't lay in the bed and slowly disapeer.
I wake up every morning dreading every step.

If I hadn't came so damn far I would just end it now,
but I know that I can't there is that one damn thing that holds me back.
Leaving my brother alone in this world alone would be the only reason.

I bet that would be a fun one to look into the face of,
to know that you slowly killed his sister.
That she had come down to the conclussion that it didn't matter.

Try looking down in that face when I'm dead and gone,
becuase one day I'll snap and it will be over.
I'm not the one playing with the loaded gun, you are.