So many times
she's tried to forget the image
staring back at her.
And there are so many
self-carved pictures in her skin,
sinking straight down to her bones.
She's stopped dreaming of
the outside world;
no one ever ends up getting
out of this town.
Because no one wants to be alone.
There are so many shortcuts she should have taken-
so many silhouettes of what she used to be.
And I heard her cry not too long ago,
carving, cutting out her past.
Still holding on to that
one last strand of naiveity
she stole from her ribs.
"I think I'll leave this place for a while."
Author notes
Ash-er-mah-leigh.
My prompt/title was Bonecarver, in the spirit of Halloween. it's too bad I have no Halloween spirit.
Also, first real attempt at incorporating alliteration. It's hard, lol. And a bit different than the norm- third person. I don't do this very often, and I now remember why. Too much work.
A contest entry
- The Random Rounds - Round 8 by Frodofan.
910 points, ended October 9, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Hum hallelujah.
Comments
-
Bonecarver by Ash-ermah-leigh
Title - 9
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating -7
Originality - 7
Reaction - 8
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 8
total: 85
-
score
Title - 10
Style - 7
Form - 5
Spelling - 10
Captivating - 7
Originality - 7
Reaction - 6
Rules - 10*
Makes sense - 10
Enjoyable - 6
score- 78
-
Bonecarver by Ash-ermah-leigh
Title - 8
Style - 8
Form - 8
Spelling - 10
Captivating -8
Originality - 8
Reaction - 8
Rules - 10
Makes sense - 8
Enjoyable - 8
total: 84
-
But wasn't it SO worth the effort?!
I certainly think so. This piece is such a stunning glimpse into the life of a girl stuck in her town - something I can relate to so well. The amount of contempt that this girl has for herself and for the life she's stuck in, is something that can be understood by so many people, on so many levels. God, I feel like parts of this should be the theme song for every girl who's ever been afraid to really, deep in her bones, ache for more than what's in front of her... sometimes you get scared to even want that... and this piece captured that fear and pain with wonderful intensity. One of your bests, I think.
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