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[ A wound open with a dull blade, ]

A wound open with a dull blade,
a dry slice through the skin,
leaving nothing but moments
containing bitter tears.

Anger, longing, hate.
Morose thoughts of death and love
slowly pace the mind.

A love lost forever,
as a heart beats dry.
The mind's final thoughts,
and an end to tears.

Finally, death comes.
A flimsy dull blade
left in a pool of blood.

Author notes

so, bits of this sound kinda awkward to me, ive still got to work on it. maybe ill get around to that eventually...klol any sugestions for a title?

A contest entry

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Comments


  • z etoile
    March 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well it was a very descriptive piece showing your emotions.
    How emotions sometimes take over your mind you did a good job showing it in this piece.


  • Mindfullsilence
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Pretty darn good

    I wrote a poem with the same ideas/subject in mind that you might be interested in. This is a good poem and flows well enough. I attempted to think of a suggestion for a title but after 10 seconds I gave up (ADHD). In actuality, the first line works pretty well. I enjoyed the read and look forward to seeing some more of your works. Keep it up.


  • michichoeret
    January 23, 2008

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    nice but

    loved the blood and flimsy dull blade image
    did not like the image of a dry heart beating and pacing thoughts of death. don't visualize thoughts as pacing. rather as jumping, dancing or swinning