Some sort of declaration
Fully aware of my identity, responsibility, I declare that the patience
With which
I accepted that life is not amusing at all, so insipid,
Decreases
Inch by inch.
It’s time to clean this gun in my hand, point it to my belly,
Put on Nirvana,
Have a Smirnoff,
Correct the mistakes in my farewell letter to the foundation
I endowed,
And shoot off.
Nothing can change this, my life’s a defeat, a caustic failure,
a failure is
every day.
This rhyme’s wonderful.
God, I love you.
Please, ask me to stay.
Author notes
Written October 4th, 2003
A contest entry
- October New Members- "Chin Up" Poetry Contest - Hosted by The AllPoetry Greeter Staff by CookieZeal.
300 points, ended November 3, 2003, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Yes, a nice improvement over the originally posted entry. I like this one even better. The changes are perfect.
Good luck in the contest and welcome to allpoetry
Dee -
Well, no need now I see for alternative words,you did great with this!!! Good Luck!!!
Edited on Oct 21, 3:57 p.m. because 'space bar malfunctioning'. -
Well, here I was thinking the last one was good...
I loved the modified ending, and I actually agree with the others, this one benefits from the removal of the coarse language that you had in its predecessor.
That last line is so desperate. I love it. Wonderfully done! -
well, now this is way better in fact is is mo' betta' heheh, nicely done, thank you for the revision,
good luck in the contest
peace be with & blessed be;
shaggy wolf
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not sure what the contest criteria were, but this was moving in itself. best luck with the contest!
-
Yes this workss much better
Well done big improvemnt
Good luck
Lakota x -
I like this version so much better. The ending is superb and it now fits the criteria very well.
Good Luck and thank you for entering.
~Von~ -
We all regret the mistakes we make~
The failures we've had~
and some times we lose our inspiration~
But if we search within
We shall find our reasons why ~
and with understanding~
We begain to grow within~
I really liked the end of this~
It gave a reason why to stay~
Well written~
~Smiles~Emma -
Oh, thank you! I really like the changes. Even BETTER now!
I love the ending, especially. Gives a solution that the criteria asks for.
Blessings, CookieZeal -
wo ..powerfull and sad..but i think anyone with a conscience has felt this way..well written work..lisa
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