She shivers,
through the clouded windshield,
two hands, like a rag doll toss
a sea which lost it grip
on the tenuous shore,
through doors slip
remains of castles
built and crumbled in a day,
make believe
once again played the fool;
Her remarks to him about the ocean,
unsettling as the moonlight
which a few hours before
lay under a dark sky
Both of them blind she concludes
to clouds reflected in the glass
awakened now to a tug of war,
too late, once again played the fool.
Author notes
I wrote this poem thinking about all the young girls (and boys)told I love you and then played the fool.
my husband and I have a burden for teens and are getting involved through our local high school - we are being told by the experts that drugs are taking a backseat to sexuality (being former druggies we were suprised to hear that) and kids are giving themselves away cheaply when theyt are so valuable in God's eyes.
A contest entry
- The Broken You Know - BIG points by SpydurPoet.
1850 points, ended October 13, 2007, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Misery Loves Company by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 16, 2007, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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The moment I read the first line, I said to myself, this person knows how to write! Thank you for entering this contest. This is one of the better entries I have read so far.
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Lovely piece.
Couple of minor issues:
"a sea losing it grip on the tenuous shore,
through the doors of castles slip"
Should be "a sea losing its grip" I believe. And there are extra spaces between "of" and "castles".
I love the idea, and the content. I can admit to being that girl (even though I'm a guy), and agree that we seek love more than we seek chemical highs. For me they weren't so very different. One just lasted longer.
Honestly, I wasn't as engaged by this piece as I'd hoped to be. But that's just my experience.
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I appreciate the honesty of this poem.
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Coming from one of the young girls (or hopefully not so young) I feel this poem really clearly. I admit to drugs as well, but I agree that we crave love more clearly than any unnatural high. Thank you for understanding how much it hurts.
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I really loved this one. The imagery is excellent, and the feeling is clear. Also loved the explination in the authors notes. Teens now a days face far worse temptations than I did, and it is scary.
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I agree with you that sex in youth is a huge problem now a days. It seems kids are caring less and less about themselves and giving it up to just about anyone. This poem really captures this, and how youth is so easily fooled into thinking things are "okay" and "not that big a deal" when it comes to sex. Great job.
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great write, thanks for entering.
best of luck in the contest.
Tasha
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Thank you for entering more. I understand it a little better now.
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Thank you for going back and entering a pic. This was a great poem and I would so like to know more about it (if you don't mind, you won't be DQd if you don't add, we'll understand). Thanks for entering the contest and best of luck.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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