between banks
of breath's insistence
and the flute's relent,
morning's dew
and the night's eyelid,
prayer's petal
and the longing's fragrance,
the bridge wonders
at the futile rage of words
flowing beneath
A contest entry
- show me silence... by Nicolette.
1200 points, ended October 24, 2007, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - silence (invite only) by Nicolette.
1150 points, ended October 26, 2007, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
baby! you dunnit .. again
i would have said rushing beneath.. flow and rage?
i haven\t got the hang of this page yet.. but i will i will -
Thank you for this beautiful entry, inder - truly a wonderful interpretation of the contest theme!!
~ Nicolette
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Gill have given you some wonderful advice (that's why I've asked her to be my co-judge) and I don't know if you've edited this piece since then, but I do like what I see here and the way you've shown silence. Loved the metaphor you've applied too.. well done. I liked this piece too...a good one!
Thank you so much for this entry.
~ Nicolette
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if it looks good,the credit goes to Gill.Thank you both for the comments and for being great judges who are prompting the evolution.
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personally... id remove the line... a silence
and just have gently speaks after fragrance
so many writers in this contest have given the word up so easily... i'd have preferred to have seen it, more hidden, less is more, so to speak....... the gentle sway of the words in the piece could/can carry it all the way..... without using the word silence...
here's a clue, change of title too.. Somewhere silence
- remove the first somewhere from the main piece and start with Between....
....(again, these are only my thoughts)
i know both myself and Nic, prefer to be shown and not told... so to speak... by using metaphor and imagery and losing the word, can make you think more about what silence is... and how it becomes all encompassing without actually saying .... SILENCE IS:
anyways... apart from my mad ramblings..... i do like this piece... so well done
many thanks for entering the contest and good luck too
G.x -
Silence could talk, silence could kill. with your soft petals poetry it breath and speaks.
~Sonja~
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Nice of you to drop by and whisper encouraging words for this little tribute to silence.Thank you Sonja.
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that is so beautifully written, you say so much in so few words... where some say so much and it means very little
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Beautifully written Inder. You've caputred silence perfectly in all its beautiful glory. I get a longing sort of feel from this, probably because I could really use a few hours of absolute silence and solitude
For me, silence and solitude allow me to find the poetry in my every day thoughts.
Terrific write. Sending
s an dbest wishes always... ~Genie~
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BRILLIANT
Yes, I hear silence in them all-I see silence in them all-I sense silence in them all-a brilliant poem Inder
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Aura,always encouraging.Thank you
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