From the Ash Tree

`From the Ash Tree. (Part 1)
I stumble from the car; you come running to me from afar. Your arms embrace me, damn your small! But your eyes are shiny and brown, the color of trees, and the speckled ground. You were with someone when the attraction took root, but fate and destiny was afoot. Soon I plainly forgot, about you, about her, about the simple truth seemed to torture, the plain lack of nurture. That I was alone, and oh so forlorn! Why is everyone hooking up and I’m left beaten up, by life? The answer came with pain, accidental and self-inflicted, could anyone but God have dictated, this? Your lips came to mine as an answer to a question, and for an hour I was anything but subjected. To reality, and its harsh bite, the love that has to be laid, to rest, before we could attest to ours. But oh when those bridges were burned, how we earned and earned, for each other, we became fiery lovers. Our exploits were known far and wide, it’s amazing how closely we were tied. You sat on me till my legs were numb, but I didn’t care, so long as I had your love. Your intoxicating and unrequited love! Oh how I needed it like a drug! Sweet syrup that left me oh so numb! I loved it; I wanted it, even if I had to sacrifice myself to get it.

Climbing the Sappy Pines. (Part 2)
The days went by without a hitch, and your beauty and talents began to bewitch, my mind and my soul, until I began to behold, that what I had was amazing and true. It was than that I felt I loved you. But it was the wrong kind of love, if there can be such a thing. You were as innocent as a dove, and just about as helpless as one. We journeyed on and made revelations, connections, and further lamentations. For one thing there was your estrangement from God, oh how I wished I could bring you back! To that love that tears the devil off your back! Why won’t you listen? Why won’t you pray? You know damn well why you can’t stay! In my bed, in my head, by your finger I was lead. To false prophets, false dreamers, hedonistic pleasure seekers. I did not want that, I just wanted you, the REAL you. But your face was hidden; you were so constantly bed ridden. And when we’d sleep I would not see your face, shielded from my eyes by the night’s terrors and it’s snakes. We had a fight, about you staying with me night after night. We almost broke up, we should have broke up, cause while I was locked up, you were almost felt up. How could do that? Why should I forgive that? Because I was not me, I was bleeding on bended knee, trying to climb this damnable tree.

The Weeping Willow (Part 3)
I never got to the top, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Or the fact that you were always lying, about your beliefs, causing me so much grief. WHY CAN’T YOU COMMIT? Is the pain too hard? Is that it? Don’t you see the lies? Festering and boiling inside your pretty tan eyes? Are you sure I was better off? Without this feeling I can’t shake off, that’s invisible like camouflage. So I can’t see, or breathe, without your consent, I think I know where your morals went. You lost them when you were very young, just thought it would be fun. To cross that line, to drink that drink, did you even stop to think? No, you did not, at least consider my feelings or whatnot. I’m here for you, why can’t you be here for me? Don’t you know there are times when you seek to control me? But in the end its about you, about sex, and how you keep tempting me again and again. Can’t you stop!? Before this flops! I want to be your friend, I want to lend, my love, and shove this stuff down your throat. The sun comes up and I’m watching you sleep, caught between love and reality, asking the lord for some pity. Why must I let her go? She needs me, can’t survive without me. I know your looking out for me dad, and keep thinking this is just a fad, and in some ways what we’re doing is bad. That our feelings are too extreme, how could I be so mean? This sure as hell is not me. Everyone but you can see, how I’m changing, and managing, this new arraignment. Why can’t you stand this? Why are you against this? Can’t you see that you and I can’t co-exist? As unalike as fire and mist? Well, I guess we aren’t so different, were both a gas, disappearing in a flash, of emotion and tears, what are your fears? You say you can’t be alone, as you talk to me looking so forlorn. I give you another chance; you’re all smiles, drifting in a trance. In that city of gardens and lights, my senses were realigned. I realized a truth, didn’t need no sleuth, because the answer was there, I was just not aware. Clear as crystal, like music from a minstrel. Tears fell through, my empty head, as I crawled back to my empty bed. Tomorrow I will drop the bomb, and than you will be gone, it won’t be long, till I’m alone, and your still being born. Cause your like a child, untamed and wild, but I need to grow, my mind needs to flow, not be pulled back, by your fake smiles and feminine wiles. That constricts my will, like a forced pill. Are you able to till this field, or are you not fully healed? Well I can’t do this, I give up, this whole situation is too messed up. Don’t give me that response; I’d rather spend my life under this weeping willow, than have you use me against my will-ow.

The Fruit of the Vine. (Part 4)
I woke again in a daze; the willows branches had left me alive, but fazed. My body was drenched head to toe, in tears and sweat, and bitter words. Images flash within my mind, of how it came to you from behind, this splitting up, this severing of ties. You send me notes, and pleading comments, filled with pleas and bitter laments. “You can’t just turn off love!” “I thought this was a sign from above”! I thought so too, until I saw the real you, or, what I thought was you. A mask of a girl, who once held such an allure, to my senses. How it slowly peeled away my defenses. Still riding defenseless? These thoughts leave as soon as they came, for a visitor has ascertained, my hiding place, my willow base. Its You!, here to tempt me with your fruits stuck to vines, that wrap around me, and fill my head with lies, of pleasure and power, and a thorn-less rose. That has nothing to prick your hand with in which to warn you away, from a false flower, that still has power, over me. Can’t you see!? You control me! Those poisonous eyes, why on me do they lie? And try, to pry open my mind. What is it your trying to find? Forgiveness? Easiness? That’s your department. That’s right you’re easy, which means if I do this, we’ll be nothing but friends with benefits. So simple, so neat, the cutting of the strings of this marionette, how it clops to the side and rolls out of sight, if only everything could be that slight. I lie in silence next to you, you eye me hungrily and I push through: the warnings and the fall, or rather lack there of. Cause no ones here to snoop, no ones here to spy, we are alone again, unsupervised. I reach out my hand and it inches closer, I retract it fearing you like a burn, cause that’s what you were. But now my mind is hazing over, I just wish this was all over. Your like a drug, and I’m a user, your being used! You’re okay with that, being abused and cracked? Do you want to be an object? Lusted over and wanted? Is it because you want to be owned? By guys who only want what’s outside your bones? And pretend to give a damn about your cares and woes? Or is it that you want to be wanted, somehow, by someone. But you must take care; there are many liars out there, many helpless nay-seers. Just waiting for you to drop your guard, and try out their latest identity fraud. Do you see what’s happening? You leave me wanting! And panting, and coughing up lies. That I sneak to your ear from time to time. Just to keep this going, and my hormones flowing, cause its when I’m “in it” that I’m “not it”. I can be someone different, I can be someone new, hell! I can be you! Yes! That’s it, I too can be a user, I too can be free, I too can be a person who drags people down, you’ll see!
I wake from this dream, this anti-reality, this fantasy. You are you, and I am I, but we are not that happy family you thought about sometimes. I am less than a lover, more than a friend; inevitably I am nothing, but your toy, your shared sin, your personal plaything. Well I’ve had enough, I can’t live like this anymore, I mean, why did you think it wasn’t so? That my goodbye meant goodbye, and my no meant no? And how untangling your vine was the hardest thing in the world to do.