Dreaming through towns
She gazed, and dreamt of better times -
Of the archaic years when
As a boy she rode the chalky vale,
Sun dozed, with the warmth of nature on her back,
And galloping the greener fields of a greener land
The hooves expressed a rhythm and a joy
Such as words could not create
Though the feel of the words was in the beat,
The feel of glorious words, of epic tales
Of rescues and heroes and Latin texts.
Author notes
I read Orlando by Virginia Woolf, and am still trying to decide on her message.
Travelling home from school on the bus I was caught in a suddenly pensive moment whilst looking across the vale between the horrid boxy houses and imagined it as it would have been in the archaic times - greener and somehow more real than the present barren view across to the line of hills.
This was the England Orlando would have seen as a boy, an England that existed probably until the outbreak of the First World War, when the lazy and evocative days of cricket on Edwardian village greens dissipated. But that would be a different poem. Or maybe a stanza to be added later - a journey through time. That's an idea!
A contest entry
- England Lovers or British Darkness? (lovers) by Cari Kohai.
435 points, ended November 30, 2007, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
-
Hey I found something to read that is not poetry on here.
Briliant
oh and I think the poem is awesome despite the fact I have obviously not read the book
-
you got the message across just fine. everything was described perfectly. good job. keep it up.
-
This poem is a great response to a great book. I like the pensive mood, and the matter-of-fact change of sexual orientation. Virginia was a master at suggesting without telling, and your poem pays tribute to this. I am not sure that the repetition of /greener/ in line 6 really works, maybe you could think a little more about this. Otherwise, a good job of evoking a time gone, in tune with Edwardian mores.
-
-
Thank you for your comment and the ideas. However, this poem is just how I felt at the time, and as I am unable to recreate that particular feeling, I do not feel currently qualified to change it, hoping to evoke the same feeling in others. Further more I feel it contributes to the instant nature of the poem as a vibrant and fresh - almost green - thought, in which words and ideas are constantly recyled in close proximity.
I will bear in mind your suggestion, and perhaps I will more consciously choose words in future pieces. I feel that I will be ready to write more after exams have masked the transition between spring and summer. I hope you will give me similarly thoughtful comments.
-
-
Love it
Superbly crafted -
liked I said bfore good job!
-
Wow,! That was sooo goood ^_^ I enjoy it it's very good and has a history to it. And thanks for the history in the arithur's notes!
-
-
Thanks for your comment, and I'm glad you found the history useful.
-
-
I too often dream and wonder of the last 'golden Edwardian summers' before WW1. Have you read Siegfried Sassoon's semi autobiographical trilogy 'Memoires of a Fox Hunting Man?'
The first one is evocative of the same kind of sentiments as in your poem, which I must say I enjoyed very much and empathised with the girl and her fancies.
The rhythms of the poem expressed both the galloping horse and the chuntering train
-
-
Yes, I have read the first book in the trilogy. I also enjoy his WW I poetry, although I prefer Owen.
Thank you for commenting on my piece.
-
-
I haven't read the book you mentioned, but still enjoyed the poem. (Maybe I should pick it up sometime?) I particularly like the phrase "sun-dozed"- it captures the feel of a summer afternoon.
-
-
Thanks for the comment - and go ahead and read it. If you haven't read any Woolfe it's a good one to start with as the writing style is more accesible.
If you haven't read the book then the gender change may be a little odd in my poem.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 12 of 12
