He kissed her hand
yet he paused for a moment
only to gaze in her eyes
Why didn't I see
through the dark mask of his gaze
that the kiss was betrayal
Author notes
written June 20, 2007
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Nice job. Might do well to lengthen it a little. Other than that it is very good. It conveys the message very well.
-
-
I would, but it was an assignment for one of my classes where I had to stick to a certain form. It's a senryu. Thx for commenting.
-
-
great
very short. i think that if you made it longer, it would have a more powerful, overall effect. but, anyway, it is a very good write. very mysterious
-
-
I know, but it was an assignment for one of my classes anfd I had to stay in the form. Sometimes shorter is better, though.
-
-
I must learn from you, dear one... about this "sedoka" poem. I like it so much! 
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
