A fluttering stomach
A small shy smile
Curiosity striving to know
A glimpse of a grin
A heart beating anew
Aching to see him again
A thought that comes
Late into the night
Remembering something funny he said
A word from a mouth
And a look from him
A foolish feeling sets in
An embarrassed look down
Looking up to see him again
Laughing afresh with his friends
An emotional roller coaster
Coming when e'er he's near
Wondering what this time he'll do
A glance from him
A smile emerges
Unwittingly growing bigger
A wish to look pretty
To smell nice for him too
Every day that he will be near
A congratulatory hug
A grip so strong
Wanting to stay close together
An urge to be better
When he is around
The best part may be wondering
Whether he likes me.
How can I improve this?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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aww, such a sweet poem this is. hmm, i'm a bit convinced on how love could be romantic and all ^^ great piece you got here Good luck!
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Very sweet! I love discovering that my husband still likes me, too. After all this time, you'd think we'd get bored of each other, lol. Even after a fight, we end up being best friends again. It is exciting, this love stuff!
TTFN,
Jenn -
Hm. A tiny bit cliche but short, cute and very sweet. Good job. I think to improve this, you could try changing some of the words around to make it a bit less cliche and little more flowy. Like your last two stanzas were great in my opinion but like with the third to last one, on up, certain lines sound a bit awkward like they were just added.
Like "Every day that he will be near" is a good line but doesn't fit in with that particular stanza. Do you see what I'm saying?
Otherwise I loved the adorableness (is that a word?) of this poem. Keep it up.
Good luck in the contests. -
I love this, its so full of new love, nice and fresh feeling. Best of luck!
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AWW!
This was soo sweet and cute! ADORABLE! Jane
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