*
*
*
at the bar
water droplets lead to
her face
turning each time
the door opens
Andrew Hide
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Excellent
Andrew.A beautiful although sad picture your words paint.Welll worthy of the applauses,Thanks for the pleasure.
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Beautiful imagery...
I love how you wrote this tanka in such elegant motion.
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This is great! I think I enjoyed reading it so much because as you read the tanka it paints a vivid picture and it keeps going--the door, the turn. Excellent and good luck in the contest!
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i know you are seeing the moment as it happened (?) ... i have come back to this a few times and i just cant access the water droplets, no matter which side of the bar i look from ...
love the pivot - as short as it is, its actually longer than that ... in that it connects wholly to its preceding and post line - lead to her face turning ....
and i really like the long moment of time in the last two lines (ing helps that immensely i think) ... >>> Gina -
Veary interesting tanka well enjoyed kind intriguing.
LISA
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What an excellent tanka, written from your life observations. This is a very good thinking haiku, what is she waiting for? I enjoyed this tanka very much.
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I dont get what you mean here. but i find it so unique, like a riddle to be cracked. nice write. cheers
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