Sinking in love filling as it rises
Showing your own blood that you lie in
Killing yourself just to feel like you're alive
Drinking me whole in hopes I survive
Countless times you called on me
Only to loose your found insanity
Light breaks a circle of viciousness
While volume shares within dark secrets
Might I see what's behind your back
My knife I see, don't leave with that
I stab myself to feel your pain
As you watch in laughter, as if playing a game
You found me whole, piece by piece
Together I fall with consoling release
A map to my heart torn to shreds
And mangled sheets as I crawl into bed
Loving me means loving you, too
You're ice cold heart has brought a new
Slender sovereign control you have
Over a new found me, who's torn in half
Author notes
Sharett- Silversunshine
The random thoughts that race through my head.. This is fragments of what I could catch.
In a list
A contest entry
- Take this line and..... by introubleintx.
700 points, ended October 10, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE-WRITES! ROUNDS CONTEST!!! by Luminescence.
525 points, ended March 23, 2008, 176 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Wow, I am impressed this looks like it took quite a bit of thought, This line "Drinking me whole in hopes I survive" was amazing, I really liked the piece along with its presentation back ground, color and all. It has a nice flow and definently allows the reader to wonder. Good Luck ~peace
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Thank you so much for the compliments! I appreciate you commenting on it!
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Absolutely stunning! I love the imagery you have weaved into this piece; I got chills as I read the final lines.
"You found me whole, piece by piece
Together I fall with consoling release
A map to my heart torn to shreds
And mangled sheets as I crawl into bed"
These lines were my favorite because they seemed to be the most vivid. I love the image of the narrator being found whole, only to be torn apart again. Very very amazing!!
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Thank you soo much for reading it! I really appreciate your comments!
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wow. this is amazing you described the connection between pain and love, sometimes they seem to go hand in hand as you said here very poetically of course.
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Love can be cruel, and your poem does show that. How awful it is to give your precious self only to be cut deeply within your heart, with the other peson just sitting back with no idea how they have hurt someone. This is not true love...let it go...the real thing is waiting. Lovely words , so sad, thanks for sharing
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This sounds like accepting differences and very much an energy making relationship by the sounds of it. This is a sweep me off my feet scenario, and a fantastic making up period. Loved it!
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Thanks!!
Yes.. Wreckless love! Thanks for your insight! And thanks for reading my poem!!
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WOW chica vry well writen and It gave me a great visual, you are a great writer this was deep yet very well understood. Awesome worth the gold for sure congrats love
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Thanks, babe!! And thanks for reading it! I think this is one of my best thus far, I think! I'm pretty proud of it!
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