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hear my past

I can't hide no
Every scar will show
As I reveal who
I truly am to you
But can you handle it?
Or will you fail to see
Me as a person

A lost girl
A brokenhearted fool
Depressed and wilted
Alone and abused
Someone who needs sheltering
From every storm
Of torment and darkness
Is that what you'll make of me?

I'm not so fragile as you may think
And my abilities to survive
Are stronger and better even if it doesn't show
I have led a hard life
And traveled down many bloody roads

I used to be a cutter
An anorexic too
I used to drink a lot of alcohol
And smoke more then a joint or two
Skipped school
And got beat

Hid from everyone
In my own personal hell
wraped up tightly in my protective shell
All my secrets I couldn't tell

I was abused growing up
I had so much trouble
In life I wanted to give up
I lived in foster care
since I was young
and my foster brother
believed molesting
and raping me was fun

I am so glad
I never owned a gun
I know what would have happened
I would've shot myself
Right there and then
When the memories
Came rushing back

I was a kid
And I forgot
Just what that meant
My parents spent money
on drugs and booze
then on the food and rent

I had to wear second hand
Clothes and shoes
I lived the life they sing
In the big old blues
I never got to choose
We had to bring our bottles
Back to the store
I dug through the trash
Yea I was that damn poor

I was on welfare
And god damnit I still am
But what do you do
When your life's in a jam

I had to go to the food banks
And take their rotten food
Beggers can't be choosers
When you have nothing to your name
I used to steal and damn I was good
I was a rebel
I had a reason
I can still see the faces
Of the people my pain was pleasing

It makes me sick
It makes me cry
In the middle of the night
It haunts me
Making me wish
I could die

I had a few friends
In this life
Now some of them
Also seek the knife
I may be distracted
As I try to help them through
Now that you know about my life
Can I count on you
To be one of those friends
I have so few

Author notes

written in 04

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • dominated angel25 silver member
    June 26

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    I hear you babygirl

    Always and forever. Memories are just that, a place in time we dread to look back upon. If people only knew what truths the system hold for children, if people only knew how hard it was for any of us, do you think they would ever really understand? We are two very few that have made it through with our life some what in tact, now we have to make the rest of the way and try not to be judged by others who do not understand. But I'll always be here and I do!


  • The Perfectionist
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    I'm sorry you had to go through all of that growing up. I know what some of it is like, but not most of it. I hope you eventually find happiness.


  • singingfreedom
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your background really creeps me out.

    I can see your undercurrent of strength in this piece. The poem is forceful and powerful, and very much a "tell it like it is" kind of piece. It's amazing.

    • melodramatic emo
      October 3, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      lol really I love this pic ^_^ thank you it was actually pretty hard for me to write this even though at the time I was actually in a foul mood when I wrote it. thanks for the comment when I'm done tranferring my poems to this site I'll return the favor.

      MJ

1 - 5 of 5