Time, time, if wind blew us time
would we share a warm sunrise,
would we chase new rhyme?
Would we stretch one, small moment
found in silence
to the long thin hours of mutual bliss?
Can our pasts be rewoven in some distant future
where the rains have softened
then started again?
Here I am now, out of the past
speaking this moment, though buried perhaps
with memories and pain that such quiet moments
of such distant memories
of happiness bring...
You know I'm like you, always pushing away
that one ray of sunshine
found in the rain...
How unlikely it was we ever conversed,
how unlikely the thoughts, emotions, and verse
created between two similar souls;
so sad to think how like souls repel
as if we were just magnets turning away...
Yet I struggle against it, I don't know why;
perhaps it's the 'you' I've found in my 'I'.
miss you
Well, there you have it,
improv of the moment.
Must be the autumn wind.
signed, a ghost that haunts you from the past...
Author notes
to all of those with whom I've been distant with for the past two years; this piece I left on my poetry daughter's myspace page; describes how we use to IM through countless nights; how we were similar in pushing away happiness because it had always been taken away; then one day I had to part; we've had very little contact since; I believe I hurt her, and I don't think she can ever forgive me, and probably prefers not to let me back into her life if it means more pain...
In a list
- Love Era- General Pieces • next in list
- In Plain English- Some • next in list
- * SwtAsWine (FallingSideways) • next in list
A contest entry
- Write me one essential poem to fall in love with. by Lyndon.
800 points, ended October 6, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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how fitting for the autumn season and I do love metaphors. Always the clever one you are.
I honestly hold no hard feelings and my life has been just as hectic over the 2 yr span; quite the whirlwind. Plus, why would I hold hard feelings towards someone who is similar as me? I think that would make me guilty of being a hypocrite... are you calling me one?! I am kidding of course. I think we both parted mutually.
Anyways, I think we both helped each other through a difficult period and I have never written you out of my life. There is a reasonfor everything in this screwy cock-eyed world. However, I am even busier than before, if that was possible, because I am working and taking 5 classes this quarter…ouch…sigh.
Thank you for directing me to this page and do not worry so much, you were, are and still my AP dad. Besides, very few families converse daily. Hell I haven’t spoken to my biological family in a lot longer than I have with you and I still love them as if I did.
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well, may your path lead to smiles... (and cross mine again and again...)
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Unfortunately ...
it seems to be human nature's way of dealing with relationships that get too close too fast. Burning bridges are often the outcome, and misunderstandings that lead to more misunderstandings.
In any case, this time, the cake was worth the candle.
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hey! thanks for bringing my attention to this initially incoherent piece- it was for my poetry daughter, and she's never seen it yet...
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How strange ...
I didn't find it at all incoherent.
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hmmm... I better check my endorphin level then...
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While you're about it ...
you might note that I have a contest ending soon for Mary Travers, late of Peter, Paul and Mary.
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Oh! Congrtas on the green trophy! *smile*
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I agree that "souls repel". It is almost as if we are afraid to love fully, afraid to succeed, afraid...
This poem is precious. It spreads a joy that it seems you wish could be again. I am sorry that you had to go but we often have seasons, times that we need to be in someone's life then, we have to move on. This poem makes me think of all the people I haven't spoken with in far too long. Possibly I'll give them a call because you reminded me. Thank You!
Candice -
I was struck by that too, "how like souls repel"; we can have the strongest rivalry with someone who is almost identical. This is a deep and thoughtful poem which shows something about our own relationships. Congratulations for HM.
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Awe, thanks, Margaret, now I will read yours, but beware- the results of this contest have given me a new insight on poetry- that some people are blinded by what I will coin 'tongue-fests'- fanciful tongue feasts that may be completely shallow in all other respects... I'll be viewing your entry with this new measure in mind... if my tongue is delighted by my heart and mind are starved, you will be the first to get my boot! (how's that for getting your heart beating?!)
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A poem that made me sit up out of a torpor!
Your lines are redolent of thoughtful images
but I find difficulty in finding some kind of anchor to thought. Perhaps it is me ... yet that is important as I am the judge. No, I am not haunted in anyway but I take your point of the happenstance that two minds meet in time and space at one point. I think, among other things, this is insinuated. "improv of the moment." =>> improvisation, you mean?
There is a muted poignancy in " just magnets turning away".
I have yet to convince myself that this is a soulmate poem.
Thank you for a good piece of very readable free verse.
Ron.
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thanks, Ron; yes, 'improv' is 'improvisation', a backdrop to this piece is needed, and might even intrigue you-
this was to a 'poetry daughter' who cut deep into my heart, and perhaps I hers, having experienced similar fates in life; not soulmates- we're both married and she's half my age; yet we spent countless nights IM'ing, which generated many collaborative writes; our work hours were different, and one day I told her I couldn't IM all night with her anymore, I had a new workload; she joked that I was trying to get rid of her... I said no...
two years have passed now with very little contact; it brought on a bittersweet quality to my love writing, which once had been joyous...
I suspect she was deeply hurt, and would want me to stay away so as not to bring her more pain; so I felt I had a deep loss on my hands; this piece is me suggesting that there may be forces greater than the two of us at work, such as a lack of time, even similar personality traits working against us, and also that pain may be a part of any valuable relationship...
the piece is both specific to this relationship and also general in nature, for there were many with whom I could not maintain constant contact with and who were hurt...
So the title suggests that maybe the melancholy autumn wind made me think of her, long again for her company...
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I love it....
I love it... I love it... It's sad in a way, but you have written down your emotions so well... I am sitting here now feeling your pain for the good times that seems to have gone with the 'autumn wind'."Can our pasts be rewoven in some distant future?" I really hope so for you! Beautiful write. Anna.
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thanks, Anna, yes, there is always hope, even when one has been hurt... I like your 'gone with the autumn wind' observation; I had in mind that it was the autumn wind stirring such memories and feelings...
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Your words are interesting. There is something about the way you write that gives me the feeling of you wanting to break a mold or break out of the type of normal writing that we were taught. Now, I am right about 0% of the time and for the rest I am always wrong. Tell me, do you read E. E. Cummings? Or, one of my favorite influences that maybe you have read, Carl Sandburg? Those two left an impression on me. So, tonight I was milling around the mess hall looking for a cup of coffee from Sarge and I thought of checking out one of your poems. I like the confessional type of writing you do. And your work is mature. This poem is, of course, poetry of the self - to me the best when it gets emotional. I look forward to reading more of your things in time.
Wait - If you want to spark up this poem you could insert this method of piquing your reader:
Your line:
miss you
my possible suggestion at this point in the poem:
miss you like a m----- f-----
miss you for your lips pucker
Damn would like to hold your hand
in the park
on the bench
below the tree
where we first kissed
the dandelions noses
Or maybe this person was not a lover and you could add the small series of shorts that keep a reader from yawnng. Like my army friend to whom I wrote poetry years ago:
Jim with your Russian eyes
Vodka drowned, unsteady Jim
my friend mortared to dizziness
I love you for your sour alcohol smell:
so putrid
so dank
so stinky
so rank
but I loved you enough to carry you away from
the fox holes and throw you in the back seat
to drive you home to your wife.
thanks Tireseus
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I like your suggestion of a short aside (since I would never have thought of it myself!), yes, it is quite important to keep the reader (other than the intended person) from yawning in these personal pieces... this piece was to a poetry daughter, so the love is purely "heart and mind", the "physical" not being socially prudent, since we are both married and she is half my age...! (though teasing is allowed...)
your feeling is correct about my breaking the mold, my education is wholly technical and completely non-literate, so I have no mold to break... They say I'm THE most creative writer on this site (since every piece of mine is wildly different in subject, voice, and style), which does unfortunately lose for me a lot of single-theme readers...
I am intrigued by the idea of first developing independently, with only the most basic building blocks and my creativity and impelling need to communicate before me, and then seeing if there are/were any parallels with writers of this age and the past.- therefore any relations you see with other writers are parallels...
I did read through almost all of your comments (insomnia!) and saw that you are a creative writing teacher and a CPA (and I bow to anyone with a degree, even my wife, who, with a double Masters in education, is still frustratingly as dense as a doornail!) So your erudite views I'll hold in special regard... (and I love your comments on Lute's pieces! lol, they're a course in themselves...)
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wow... This is an awesome poem!!! I really enjoyed reading this one!!! Very beautiful!!!!
Hugs,
Beth -
Skilled
is your pen. Third stanza is my favorite, going deeper into the clockworks of relationship in attempting to understand. "the 'you' I've found in my 'I'" gets to the heart of things. Kudos!
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thanks much, and welcome to AP... may you also have pieces spawned by the trials of relationships...!
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