Light that pulls my eye
Orb that lights the sky
Force that moves the sea
And shows what is to be
From early days 'till end
A harvest light you lend
The bounty, romantic
That lovers often pick
Of magic you have taught
With superstition wraught
Ensorcell us this night
You give to us a fright
With causes and control
You fill the empty hole
The darkness is undone
A night with silver sun
Author notes
A slight change, this time.
A contest entry
- meh by Anonymous Shadow.
300 points, ended January 24, 2008, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where's my stinkin' trophy? by Great Cthulhu.
1500 points, ended April 25, 2008, 47 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I Love the Moon!
I can hear a coven chanting this under a full moon, surrounding sacred flame. Well done! I love the imagery you've conjured here. Your rhyme was nicely accomplished. This is my favorite line: "Ensorcell us this night" - Beautiful alliteration. Keep your pen to the page and thanks for entering.
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Ensorcell...even...
You are truly in love with a much older style of speaking. If you start throwing down with 'thee' and 'thine' we're gonna have words! Bottom line I really enjoyed this piece, well done. Your rhyme scheme is nicely accomplished with only one awkward section (romantic - often pick) -
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My next poem shall indeed go there, 'thee' and 'thine' up the wazoo!!
Aye, that was a little awkward due to a last minute change. I started off with "...The harvest so romantic That lovers often pick...", and then changed the preceding line to "A harvest light you lend", which required me to change the second occurance of "harvest" while insisting on rhyming with "romantic". With "pick", I hoped to tie in with both the harvest/bounty/pick theme of gathering at the "harvest moon" and also allude to the romantic use of the moon during it's full stage. I'm still not completely sure about it, but can't see an improvement. Any ideas?
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This is a good chant for a mercurial full moon.
Very smooth a metrical delight to read.
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"With causes and control
You fill the empty hole
The darkness is undone
A night with silver sun"
Beautiful last lines!! This is so very beautiful, like the moon itself! An excellent lunar chant indeed... and good rhyming too!
- namita
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That's unique, I like it.
"Of magic you have taught
With superstition wraught"
Those are my favorite lines. Good luck in yor contest. -
Interesting imagery here. Easy to read rhyme scheme. Overall, I like this write. Thank you for sharing it.
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Very interesting write. I always enjoy rhyme and I liked this. It's pretty smoothe and reads well. Thank you for sharing with the group
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Thanks, and I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing. That can't be easy, I'm sure, no matter what your relationship was like.
Well, I decided not to change this poem to fit the contest parameters. I can't see it done without changing everything that worked so far. Oh well. -
With causes and control
You fill the empty hole
The darkness is undone
A night with silver sun
this reminds me of my "mom" that just passed away a week ago tomorrow the whole poem does but i like the last stanza the best because of the line: You fill the empty hole thats the happy part thanks for writing this one you did an excellent job -
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Beautifully written. It goes together very smoothly. "From early days 'till end The bounty so romantic A harvest light you lend That lovers often pick" is my favorite stanza. I love the way you ended this piece. Great work, keep it up! =]
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Thanks so much. It took just about everything that I had to write this, and I went into it without any confidence. I was very glad to see two shining reviews on this after noticing that it was dropped from the contest, (still searching for an answer to that one).
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I Hope You Win
this is an interesting piece leaving one to ponder on and i really did enjoy reading it so thanks for writing it you did an awesome job and good luck to you in the contest
With causes and control
The darkness is undone
You fill the empty hole
A night with silver sun
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