i leave my body
busy
at the desk
walk
across the room
glancing back
i (over there)
hunched
and silver-edged
sit writing
less fragile
from a distance
In a list
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
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oh dear... This is wonderful... You have a way with words... magic almost... So few words... so much said.
This is just wonderful.
Great job
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less is more. i like the brevity. it gives the poem that added feeling of detachment. i wrote something similar a few weeks ago...Love, lane
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I like this, Al. It manages to be perfectly honest about daily activity, yet show the soft but grand drama that underlies the mundane. You handle the transition in frames of reference deftly and simply.
Good job.
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Thinly blown glass...sitting too near the shelf's edge. Sheer excellence
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love the outside introspective you gazed upon yourself
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i find each of yours, i read this morning to be little gems ... this one is fabulous - great subject, a universal moment beautifully captured ....i love the silver edged which can mean the hair or the person's silhouette in the light ...(this bit is SO good) wonderful poetry >>> Gina
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sometimes (and not often enough) i have this sense of looking at myself as others do. very similar to what you've written. when this happens there seems to be a peaceful acceptance of myself. it's very hard to describe. your words came closer than mine did
stellar.
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What a wonderful way to write about oneself. Feeling less fragile whn you see yourself from a distance. Very thoughtful write - liked the out of body experience you dscribe in these lines - simply stated, easy to read and understand. Title effective too.
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Good tense
I like that you used 'glancing' instead of 'glance'. It achieves more in this tense. Stunning write, simple, subtle....
-S -
I would live my entire life from across the room.. if I could. Perhaps then I could get on with doing .. something other than torture myself with existence.. lol
I love the sense of distance in this, and all the little imperfections it erases .. because as hard as we try, we never really escape ourselves ...and even a moment would seem like salvation.
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i stumbled across your page thru Justin's page...
this i really liked, and after reading your page wasn't what i was expecting given your spoken word background.
how many times do we do this in a day??? leaving ourselves at the paperpushers domain and go searching for Arcadia or Albion or even Utopia of the mind... brilliant write!!
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good gosh..dont know how you do it..or what it is..but you do it. excellent read. my initial response was flippin a..but im not sure that works well with this. very classy. enjoyed.
blu
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Amazingly brilliant, this is. Beautiful imagery - silver-edged, fragility... excellent poetry.
~KK
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Interesting piece. Sometimes, we all have some sort of out-of-body experience, but not most can write so brilliantly about it. That's exactly what this piece was: brilliant. Good job.
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The title is so interesting - goes well with the silver edged imagery and the ending lines - your poems are always so very unique and amazing. Beautiful poem
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I don't think less than stunning with "silver-edged" would suffice on this one. So much to look about this view of oneself...
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I agree
I agree with Cat, you have an amazing talent
my friend. I do those little escape exercises
myself. With my background it's a god-sent ability.
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love the zen like element here...
perfect
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al...
by far the best thing I've read in some time & I mean that sincerely
excellent
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So nice to see a new poem by you on my favorites page again.
Those ending two lines...perfect. They pulled the whole poem together and on the next read-through it gave me a whole new perspective. I wish I could step out for a moment and see how I appear from a distance.
Excellent.
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so nice to have another from you...
sometimes i feel like there i sit behind the wheel of my patrol car when i look back at it.. and yet i am 50 ft away...
50 ft away wishing i was back in that car lol... when i look at myself there i seem stronger
and that is all it is...
'seem'
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This is a stunning write AJ, I love your the way you wrote it, described yourself, the way for a moment you saw yourself... I love the way you can make anything sound so bautiful. You truly do have an amazing talent.
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This is a lovely 'time out', Al. Leaving the body on auto-pilot to let the mind wander, the observation of self-awareness 'hunched and silver-edged' (some of us are silver-plated...) Loved the duality of i(over there).
The realization of inner strength from the detached perspective in the final stanza provides an ending befitting a great write.
PJ
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Your title pulled me in - I have a strange weakness for words beginning with 'v.'
I've read that one can only do the astral projection thing while asleep, but that seems rather limited.
I like the idea of less fragility. I feel more empathy for myself when separated, mentally, that is.
'silver-edged' works well: a little glint of beauty to highlight this deviation from the mundane.
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What else is there that everyone hasn't already said? Excellent stuff as always!
I must say something about the last line though.. nothing critical, it's too close to perfection for that lol. When we separate from ourselves like this, we definitely seem less fragile, as the self-pity level tends to diminish with detachment.
I dunno where that came from, but I guess you just hit a spot with that.
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Can't agree with Mary more, Al. This is a superb write and definately publishable. I so love the simplicity and I was nodding my head at today's quote here on AP. Mr Bukowski must have had you in mind when he said a real poet can write the hard in a simple way. Excellent work - and the sense of watching the self is incredible... I can only agree with the last lines!!
~ Nicolette
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Awesome write. I liked the feeling in this piece of a person stepping outside of themselves. Sometimes I think we may learn something about ourselves if we try to look at ourselves from a different perspective. Keep writing.
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this is superb
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Leaves me wonderig if Cat is gonna do dirty things to your body while you are out
Ok, seriously, though
I really like this. Maybe if I study and work on poetry more I'll learn how to leave my body, too. It would be nice.
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like a sharpened pencil, waiting to be scaped across the page
the carbon copy of you
damn this is clever...
the inside of an eye, the softer lens, the hardened shell.. you see it all in such few words
vitreolic indeed
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Sometimes I think I appear more fragile from a distance..
lol. I loved this, I agree with m.
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how many sighs do you need to understand how brilliant this piece is and how unexectedly happy i am to find your voice
sitting on my page this morning? - sigh..
well there's one.. but you
should know this is publish-worthy
and wonderful
(i love this part)
and the final line..
wow.
yeah.. this is the reason you will some day be well known and studied
m
i wish there was more applause possible
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