Written with a pen
Sealed with the kiss
Poisoned with the blood
The blood of hate
You say you love me
Now I'm going to make you hate
Hate that you ever knew me
Knowing that you never loved
Knowing that you never cared
All this time I shared with you
All my feelings, all my love
This poison is everlasting
And now I'm passing it
Passing it to you
Because when I see you
I hate your every move
Author notes
prompt 1
A contest entry
- PREWRITES!!!!!! by Luminescence.
450 points, ended March 5, 2008, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
just tell me what you think bad good i dont care just tell me what you think please
Comments
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well first you have good emotion...next..you need to work on punctuation..just keep reading the poem over and over to yourself..you should be able to find the pauses..you make pauses for emphasis..make the words work for you..and never stop learning..take a class here on ap..there are some wonderful mentors..you obviously like what you do..so that is the most important thing..and these writes come from somewhere..always respect that..never feel that a write sucks..it comes from somewhere and needs to be written down..and you can always edit..blessings to you and keep in touch..
robin
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wow sis this is well good
i love you
-
this had great emotion to it.... which is wonderful considering that you didn't have any real person or thing to be the center of this hatred that you explaining in the poem....
One thing that I didn't like very much was that there wasn't any grammer in this... when I read poetry I believe that the best poetry had the syntax... you need the grammer... this is so great, you just need the sentence structure.
Thank you for entering and good luck,
~lumin -
So raw
The emotion in this poem is palpable, so raw. The venom oozes out.
Good write!
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