Blowing bubbles as a child
Disappointment as they drop.
Trapped in bubbles in adulthood
Devastation as they pop.
Catching, chasing, jumping, laughing
Never imagining
How frail these bubbles are...
Protection, detection, denial on trial
We see through the veil
Ignore the quandary and turmoil
Until it is...
We derail.
Honest critisim
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
I love the assonance in your title, and the metaphor is great. I can't critique, you seem to be writing on a different level then I am.
-
Ah!
This one works 4 me.
Write all the notes you feel like writing. I like your notes too.
-
A pity you needed all those Author notes. We will each see what we see in the poems we read, as each of us uses our own filtering system. Some people do get trapped in bubbles when they grow up. As you describe them, they can be protection from the world and they can be the bling that we think we deserve/want. If it wasn't for society judging books by the covers, we would all be much more satisfied with the covers we wear. Contrary to the bumper stickers, it is not the mark of a winner to die with the most toys or even the best toys. Toys don't make the person. Nice poem, by the way. I like the rhyme style you chose as well.
-
I liked this alot!
The transition from being a child enjoying bubbles made out of washing up detergent, to trying to escape bubbles of lies!
Very well done Poet!
thanx for recommending it to me
♥ Unity
-
Perceptive
This wasa really insightful poem.
I personally loved it.
It made me think of little children in a park running, jumping, chasing their friends and laughing then them growing up and being trapped inside of boundaries.
i really did like it and i like how you got your point across in such few lines!
Bascially Awesome Jobb!
-
Very Nice...
I like the correlation of the adulthood and adolescnce.... I didn't read all of your authors note... I think I got the idea behind the poem pretty well without it.... It was refreshing to see a well developed poem... I think the rhyming realy helped keep the flow too... For the most part the meter of the lines were consistant enough but the length of 'Never imagining' line kind of created an abrupt stop when reading... It seems too short, so short that it causes hesitation as if you'd expect there to be more in the line... But other than that very nice... I like the use of bubbles... for me they represent subtle and fragile barriers but are basically needed.... We need those barriers in life... not every where, but there are certain things that we need to be blocked from.... Over all I like it...
-
people being adults lose their innocence, sometimes their honesty, forget their imagination, get tied up on the present and forget how to enjoy life, worry too much about the future with out realising the path that that have chosen sometimes comes with a cost. and if they remember how to dream again...life would be so much better.
Keep penning on one stroke at a time!
Bill
-
you never know the real meaning of a feeling held for so long until the bubble bursts,, and it goes with a bang..that is a very cleverly thought out piece, and should be read by more to see the real you hiding behind that name. a good poet.
-
amazing.
wow. i really liked it! wow. its so true. its just... an awesome poem. great, great job.
i liked lines 7 and 8 the best. its just... so true. -
wow.
It’s excellent.
It really caught my attention.
I turned off my music and was concentrating on your choice of words.
Job well done.
[[:
-
The poem makes me sad that the bubbles brake. Its like an adult is remembering childhood and how everything was better in that one certin time until something happend to make them grow up to soon and leave the world they knew and loved behind. Transitions are hard to cope with for somepeople... maybe for everybody really, but its true we dont really know how strong that soap bubble(or spit bubble) is until it falls to the ground and breaks and then we grow up to watch it happen all over again with our children. Your poem was a great one and im glad I got to read it. Keep writting.... RM Hamilton
-
its good
good poem i like it. -
Intriguing!
I was focused on the surface tension of the bubble. Great piece, regardless, but it could have used a bit of "nitty gritty", describing, for example, the sheer, the utter disappointment of the child blowing those bubbles. Damn, you've made a bruh think. Outstanding!
- Giovanni
-
I have...
also had my bubble burst more than once. But something about the exuberance and joy that children display, makes you want to wrap yourself in another one (bubble) and float away. Great metaphor, I liked the visual this created for me. Thank-you. Ithica
-
huh. Well, I wasn't even looking at the featured poems, and I was trying to click the CB but I accidentally clicked this. Now I'm very happy that I did!
Wow this is a very nice write... from a child's point of view at the beginning.
I loved this!
~PandY~ -
Nice Job.
I like this poem a lot. It's very honest and thoughtful. Good rhythm and description. Well done! -
this reminds me of this boy I met this summer at a camp I volunteered at He was autistic and people just couldn't deal with him. I'm really patient with kids, and a friend of mine came up and told me a secret to him. So I went up to him one day during break where he was with his grandmother (who only speaks spanish btw)At first he was going crazy running all around and screaming. he ran away from me, but slowly I finally got up close and showed him a thing of bubbles. his face lit up. and I spent literally an hour and a half blowing bubbles. He spoke to me, counting to three and then looking at me like i should blow the bubbles while he chased them. Then we swtiched and i caught them. He was my friend ever since then, and even if i neve heard him say anything besides one two treeeee, he was one of my best friends....
ANYWAY without teh long story. I loved the images in this. I've never thought about usuing bubbles like this. Its really flowy and perfect length. One suggestion is changing these two lines a bit Blowing bubbles as a child and Trapped in bubbles in adulthood
so that the last two words are either adult hood and child hood or adult and child because the diffrent forms just isn't doing it for me. I think ti would flow even better if you changed those two words. besides that I really liked it. not forced at all, really good job! with lvoe and giggles, the white rabbit
-
The rhythm of this poem really caught me and dragged me into it which is hard for a short poem. True, it is a hard subject to write about but you have done so wonderfully. Not a word is out of place. Everything just.....fits. My hats doffed to you dear poet.
-Justin D. Elliott -
Guilty...of a good poem!
I like the figurative language. Very good write!
Also, I read your bio...you seem to have a very humorous (or so i find it to be) way of seeing things...
Thanks for the laughs and good job on a job well-done!
-Shakes-
-
I think you did well with this piece. You expressed something in a short poem, which with some subject is very hard to do (like myself, i write medium to long poems). However I do think you could have a better title here (just don't ask me what, I lack in that department).
To me it appears that you have loose rhyming, which is great, nicely done. I look forward to seeing more work from you. -
love it
i have lived my whole life in a web full of lies..this piece tells exactly how i have felt...the way you used the perfect words to describe what it is like is great!
-
I liked it! I grasped the meaning of it, but i still don't get the title
-
Wow, a very abstract look on life. A sad loss of childhood and innocense, only to be trapped in the adult world that seems to contstantly be falling. Our younger teen generations are even falling victim to such things as drugs and teen pregnancy and what not. This would be a good poem for awareness of out corrupt world. Great work!
=/\=Elect The Dead=/\=
-
Thats poem is true... so true its scary... i liked it i can see how fragile our lives are just like bubbles.. awesome work ^-^
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
