Prisoned in the dripping numbness
I feel scared of warmth
Your frozen silence binds me with a world full of your sounds
Keeping my hands in the ears
I deny to hear
Anything except your voice.
Silence makes me feel
Sounds of your soul
Within me.....
Frozen world seems warm.
Author notes
Silence sometimes can really make you hear the sounds of someone's soul.
A contest entry
- Frozen Silence by zochit2me.
550 points, ended October 16, 2007, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Welcome back ...after such a long time you wrote something!...I think more than 2 months?? very very well done. I liked the last 2 lines most
"Within me.....
Frozen world seems warm. "
keep up writing dear friend
best wishes always with you
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Thanks honey. Yup..perhaps this was the longest time my pen didn't flow and I really didn't force.Suddenly something clicked and my Muse said to me "I'm never to be erased from your existence. Even if I keep silence I'm still with you".
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I like the poem.specially these lines
Silence makes me feel
Sounds of your soul
Within me.....
Frozen world seems warm.
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There is something about this that I like...
it made me think and that is good.
I think you could break it up a bit and try to strengthen the ending because I think the ending is a bit weak.
presentation and lay out of a poem means alot as well as the poem itself...not about colored back grounds or pictures either...but the lay out of the poem in and of itself...try reading it outloud, that helps me pick my line breaks and omit filler words like "and, I, of" when possible...just suggestions.
Good job!
Becky
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Thanks a lot for taking much pain to read and suggesting.
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