oh dream me a dream of a magical place
of a bright sunny day and a warm embrace
something happy, so that I may
twist and rend it in every way
not that I hate to be happy and free
but it just isn't right, it's not meant for me
I was given the curse of a dementian mind
one that makes evil seem happy and kind
turning the norm into something quite wrong
like screaming the words of a quiet love song
the creatures for instance last not long at all
I make them seem brutal, while I'm just so small
bears that are starving and wolves with blank stares
other things that none on this earth need to share
flying one instant and falling another
waking from magic by the screams of my mother
Oh, how I wish I could dream on this night
for although they make nightmares, they always seem right
especially when I see you, alive in my arms
protected from all that had done you such harm
your hair, oh so soft, brushing my face
but every so sadly, that can't stay the case
because dreams end, they die, they cannot be kept
they fade away with each tear that you've wept
they have the most meaning when you're in them, that's it
once your awake, it's live life or quit
you cannot fantasize about what hasn't been
or flee from a monster that sleeps deep within
the real worlds so boring, so dream me a dream
I'm just sickened by living, and soon I shall scream
the preaching of ideals so woefully slow
so dogmatic and old, they simply must go
the routines I'm taught by arrogant pricks
who sit around on their rears while the clock slowly ticks
the love that is questioned, the impossible thing
that is, knowing what happiness could truly bring
when you're alone, and so tired, a dream is the way
to escape from this hellhole, this bright blinding day
these retards with bling and the burnouts on pot
the 300 pound pigs who think they're so hot
the arrogant athletes who flex and who smile
and the few who aren't assholes, have denounced me, for awhile
they cheerleaders with voices as annoying as squirrels
the annoying rumors spread by freshmen girls
the lofty academics, with their A plus plus marks
and the dealers that circle like hungry sharks
the neighbors who scream and fight through the night
using some words that are deffinitely not right.
and my friends, oh, they're such a treat
we speak for mere minutes, isn't that sweet?
they drifted off onto better things than I
and called me pathetic when once I had to cry
do they understand, or does it seem
that I'm stuck in a nightmare when I used to just dream.
A contest entry
- Tell me why by astralshepherd.
450 points, ended October 16, 2007, 37 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rawrg, sooo tired, need sleep...
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Thanks for entering this in the contest, I appreciate your effort. a very well rounded poem – rap – rant (whatever) it meets the contest content requirements and then some. Good form-format for the (whatever) and the rhymes were pleasing. It took several readings, out loud, to get this marvel but when I did it was well worth the effort. The spelling in 7th line from the bottom took it down a bit but did well overall. Thank you for entering it, it was a joy to read. But rhyming squirrels and girls ?? It Must be a youthful thing an old fart wouldn’t get. lol Blessings and best wishes, ~richard
1) Content 9.5
2) Originality 8.5
3) Flow 9
4) Word choice (vocabulary and/or rhyme) – squirrels and girls ?? 9
5) Imagery 8.5
6) Grammar 8.5
7) Form 10
8) Spelling 8
9) Emotional Impact 8.5
10) Rumination factor (how well does the poem make me ponder) 9
astralshepherd’s completely subjective total score =88.5
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wow.
this is really really impressive. your use of rhyme is flawless! it's great. and is descriptive of highschools world wide. one hint tho, seperate your poems into versus becuase it goes get hard to read at times due to it being in one block.
well done! best poem i've read in yonks!
tigger
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nice imagery. you are good at making things rhyme. i can't do the rhyming. lovely job, nice choice of words. i really like it. keep it up i can just picture everything in this poem happening.
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i agree with seej
this is a birlliant poem
the changes that occur in your life.
The life of highschool
that hell hole of life
and i agree also
you described the accurate side of it not the whole stereotypical stuff
great job
bekkk
p.s. go get some sleep =p
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heyyy, nice write, my friend Walking Tall told me to come read your stuff, said you were pretty good... glad i took his advice, this is great! love the whole thing... heaps great write =)
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the ending in brilliant....
you question reality in a way that makes it interesting
and thoughtful
rather than just the stereotypical crap
thought it was very impressive... and a dissapointingly accurate description of a highschool
seej
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