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Your [Face] is Cold, My [Heart] Your Mirror

A dart on my soul
Hidden in the terminator of
The moon
That shadow that retreats
In the beginning
But that consumes
At the end
The months pass unmarked
By my attention
But this heaviness inside
Does not dwindle

Used, in it’s innocence
And dance
Trapped in the realm
Of this Earths rotation
A giant of coldness
That warms the heart
Fated to be close to life
But never to touch it
To know the stirrings
Of alien forms
And then to be
Abandoned


I gaze at the face we see
Through out the month
It’s glow casting sun light
Into moonbeams
And tears fall silently
Unbidden
As I connect with the moon
The twin to my emotion
That which is alone
In view of all

In a list

A contest entry

You can say it... but I might fling poo at you.. ::eyes shift left to right::

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • mysticstorm gold member
    October 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write in metaphor and style. Personally I think you could have cut the last stanza and had a much stronger write.
    All in all very well done.
    Thank you for entering!


  • Danna Hobart
    October 16, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering. Just out of curiosity, why are the words face and heart in brackets in the title?


    • danceswsquirrels
      October 16, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Sorry.. my style is heavy on Aesthetics... the brackets promote emphasis and any other types of punctuation added work towards the same purpose... That goes for all of my works.. btw... thanks for asking!


      J~~~~

      • Danna Hobart
        October 18, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        Oh, because in professional writing, brackets like that are used to show that you have inserted a word into a quote that was not originally there, such as:

        "Four score and seven[teen] years ago."


  • Summer Dawn
    October 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    all i can say about this is very well done.
    I gaze at the face we see
    Through out the month
    It’s glow casting sun light
    Into moonbeams
    And tears fall silently
    Unbidden


  • SolidSnark
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is really beautiful and sad... the whole thing is superb, but the middle really got to me.

    A giant of coldness
    That warms the heart
    Fated to be close to life
    But never to touch it

    Very VERY well done. (But really really sad...)


  • perfectsunset gold member
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aww This one's sad *cries* & so beautiful. It's funny though because I have been working on a piece for the last few days, having to do with the moon and space; but completely different contexts and ideas of course. I love love these lines

    "I gaze at the face we see
    Through out the month
    It’s glow casting sun light
    Into moonbeams
    And tears fall silently
    Unbidden
    As I connect with the moon
    The twin to my emotion
    That which is alone
    In view of all"

    I love how you place emotion and feeling to the moon, describing the moon as it being you and how you feel right now. Cheer up my liver, everything will be fine! ::hugs:: *3 applauds* & ::kick em all in the ass!:: buahahaha


  • LearningHow2Smile
    October 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Aww.. Homie... this makes me sad. ::big hugs:: This is a really pretty piece, and full of lovely despair. I love your word choices, and the way your metaphors play so well. The flow is smooth as... smooth as something I can't think of right this second apparently lol. Great write!

1 - 9 of 9